


Will You Let Me Stay?

by Icanloveyoumorethanthis



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Dance instructor wooyoung, Implied Sexual Content, It starts as university au but then they graduate i guess, Kinda?, M/M, Obsession, Sad, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2020-08-14 10:51:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icanloveyoumorethanthis/pseuds/Icanloveyoumorethanthis
Summary: Wooyoung knows he should stop before it's too late. But the thing is, he can't...(title from Play Date - Melanie Martinez)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess, i'm soooo sorry...  
The lyrics in the first chapter are from "play date" by Melanie Martinez but it turned out different i guess. This was supposed to be an oneshot but i decided to continue it a bit more...  
[Link on AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1419913/)  
*Trigger warnings* I wanted to say that this may contain themes that some might find disturbing, like obsessive behavior, depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

_You call me on the telephone, you feel so far away_

_You tell me to come over there’s some games you want to play_

_I’m walking to your house, nobody’s home_

_Just me and you and you and me alone_

Summer had just started but the heat was already insufferable. He could feel his shirt sticking to his skin and the humidity in the air made it harder for him to breathe. He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds trying to… Trying to do what? He couldn’t ignore the high temperature of his small flat. Couldn’t ignore the loud yells of his neighbors. Couldn’t ignore the lump in his throat as the deadline of his two unfinished projects flashed like a huge neon sign in his mind.

His eyes hurt as he blinked again. The fan in the corner of his room was almost mocking him. It broke down last summer but he never got to replace it. With what money? He could barely afford to pay the rent, already juggling two part time jobs along with his studies. The heat however was making him dizzy. Or maybe it was the meals that he had skipped the past week?

Closing his laptop he got up and fell on his bed. He should take a break. It was only late in the afternoon but last night he got the night shift at the convenience store he was working. He could barely sleep the past month and the exhaustion just kept piling up.

As he was drifting away, sleep slowly taking over his mind, he felt his phone buzzing. He raised a tired hand to grab it, glaring at whoever was interrupting his much needed rest. But the name on the screen wasn’t anything he would have ever expected.

_San_

Fuck, why was he calling him. He hadn’t called in ages. Wooyoung only knew he was still alive and thriving from what he heard at the university.

_”San is throwing a party at this place. Everyone is invited” Obviously not me._

_“Did you hear about San’s new girlfriend? She’s from the medical faculty they say” When did he break up with his previous one?_

_“San’s dad got him a new car! We should totally get a ride with it” Huh, another one?_

Wooyoung still didn’t know how he managed to get associated with someone like San. He wasn’t popular nor rich. Just a typical broke university student who got lost on his fist day at the campus. San happened to be there. Yeah that’s right. _Happened._

The phone went silent. He got too lost in his thoughts again. But not for long. Soon it started ringing again.

_Don’t answer him, don’t answer him, don’t answer-_

“H-hello?” Wooyoung cleared his throat. Shit, why did he stutter.

“Wooyoungie! Finally. Hi!” Cheerful as always.

“Oh, hey San” _Acting like you didn’t know it was him. So far so good._

“How are you? Haven’t seen you in a while” San asked him. Wooyoung could hear his pout.

“Fine. You know, same as always. Been better though. What about you?”

“Amazing now that I heard your voice” _Liar._ “I missed you! Don’t you attend to classes anymore?”

“I’ve never missed a lecture but let me remind you that this semester we don’t share any classes together” _Now he’s gonna know that you know his schedule. Perfect._

“Really? That’s too bad. Well, I have an offer” Wooyoung’s breath caught in his throat. He knew where this was going. San was waiting for him to continue.

“I’m listening”

“My parents aren’t home for the weekend. Wanna come over? You know… Catch up?”

_We’re just playing hide and seek_

_It’s getting hard to breath under the sheets with you_

_I don’t wanna play no games _

_I’m tired of always chasing, chasing after you_

San fell next to him breathing hard. Wooyoung tried to catch his breath as well raising the sheets higher up to his chest. He’s hand clutching tightly the soft fabric as he felt San interlocking their fingers and nuzzling his neck.

“Why covering yourself babe? I’ve already seen everything…” A kiss on his neck “…_touched_ everything” A longer kiss just below his ear.

Obviously he wasn’t done with him yet. Well, it’s his fault to assume that only one round would be enough. But he didn’t care. Because he couldn’t get enough of San either. He would always trick himself to believe that this was _something_. That they had something going on between them. A spark. That San also felt it. Felt the same thing Wooyoung felt for him for the past three years. But at the end he would always end up alone. And San with someone else. Someone prettier, charming and popular.

It hurt. But he couldn’t stop it. At least not tonight. He had also missed him. Maybe San was lying to get him in his bed but Wooyoung's feelings were true. Every time San called him, probably bored, he would run. He would leave everything and run to him.

“Hey, how come you’re alone?” He whispered as San kept nibbling on his sensitive skin. _Oh._ His hands started wondering again too.

“Told you, my parents left for a business trip” He mumbled. He didn’t want to talk. Wooyoung could tell by his tone. Was Wooyoung only a toy to him? Something to release his stress? To call when he gets bored? A good fuck?

“No, I mean… Never mind” _I meant how come you don’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend to take out on expensive restaurants? Or your asshole friends to throw a huge party since you have the house for the weekend._

“Hey, you can tell me” San stops and supports himself on his elbow to take a better look at Wooyoung. No he couldn’t. He could never tell him. Because then he would humiliate himself ever more than he does now.

So he raised his head catching San’s lips with his in a slow kiss parting after a few seconds. One look in his eyes was enough. San smirked as he threw the sheet over them and disappeared under it.

It was going to be a long, long night.

_I don’t give a fuck about you anyways_

_Whoever said I give a shit ‘bout you?_

_You never share your toys or communicate_

_I guess I’m just a play date to you_

He could hear the whispers. It’s not like they tried to hide all the gossip about him. But he hated it. Of course he did. Who doesn’t mind it when everyone talks about them, saying all kinds of bullshit that are not true.

Apparently someone saw him leaving from San’s house yesterday.

What should he do? Confront them? Tell them _hey I heard you’re talking shit bout me?_ Should he call San? Maybe he would find him somewhere on campus.

That was the best thing to do he decided and wondered to the yard where the “more popular” students hanged out.

He didn’t get far though. He heard it very clearly. He would recognize that voice everywhere.

“He’s just a friend… An acquaintance more like. ”

So he was just an acquaintance.

“Whatever” He murmured and left hastily for his next class. It’s not like he cared anyway. That night at San’s house he was still dizzy from the exhaustion and the heat. Yeah that’s right. The heat. He couldn’t think clearly. All those emotions that flooded his mind that night were just mere confusion of lust with love.

He didn’t give a shit about San. Their relationship was only to satisfy their carnal needs. Nothing more.

_Wake up in your bedroom and there’s nothing left to say_

_When I try to talk you’re always playing board games_

_I wish I had monopoly over your mind_

_I wish I didn’t care all the time_

Wooyoung stretched his arms over his head. His eyes still trying to adjust to the light coming in from the huge windows. He exhaled harshly and turned to cuddle to the heat lying next to him.

“Mhm, good morning Woo” San greeted groggily. Wooyoung watched him as he got up, taking a few things and heading to take a shower.

After that weekend when he had been caught getting out of San’s house they started being more careful. San never gave a reason as to why it was so bad to be seen with Wooyoung and the latter never asked for one. He probably knew the answer already and it wasn’t a nice one.

But this was driving him crazy. San began calling him more frequently. Some rare times he would go at Wooyoung’s apartment. At the university it was like they didn’t know each other. San would ignore him even if he was standing right in front of him.

Wooyoung also didn’t know what they were. How to define their relationship? Friends with benefits? But they weren’t friends. They used to talk but as time went by it was only sex. _So just keep the benefits._

On top of everything Wooyoung felt _guilty_. Not because San was always dating someone during their meet ups and with him being the “unofficial just benefits thing” San was cheating on his current girlfriend with him. No. He felt guilty because he wanted San to himself. He didn’t want San seeing anybody else but him. However that meant that he cared. And he told himself every second of the day that he didn’t care about Choi San.

_You know I give a fuck about you everyday_

_Guess it’s time that I tell you the truth_

_If I share my toys, will you let me stay?_

_Don’t want to leave this play date with you_

Was he really doing this?

Wooyoung was sure that this was like a suicide mission. But he couldn’t take it anymore. And besides, how bad can it get? Next year is his final and he can finally graduate and return to his hometown, leaving all this mess behind.

He’s been thinking about it every day. During classes, during summer break, during his job.

He couldn’t help but make different plots in his troubled head. And he could most definitely not ignore the fact that San _kept_ calling him even though Wooyoung’s been avoiding him for the past month. He even came knocking on his door a couple of times.

And why was San so desperate to reach him? Wooyoung knew he had a new girlfriend again. Why was San sleeping with him when he already was with someone else in the first place?

Wooyoung suppressed his feelings for too long. And it was enough. He cared for San. He loved him, even. Craved for his touch, his kisses, his everything. He was yearning for the boy he first met. That gentle dimpled boy who kept smiling at him and promising that he would be his personal guide tour for the city. For the boy that was passionate about this new chapter of their lives and how he anticipated to just finally _be free_.

_“You probably think I’m crazy talking about being free and all that. But one day I’ll explain everything to you. I can already tell we’re gonna be best friends” _

How could he forget San’s words from that very first day they met?

What happened to that boy?

So, was he really doing this? Yes. That’s why he was standing at his front door, hand already on the doorbell.

Was he risking everything he had with San? Of course. But then again, he didn’t have anything with San to lose on the first place? Did he?


	2. Chapter 2

_To Wooyoung this was “not fair”._

Life is unfair. He knows that. He’s not living in an alternative universe where everything is rainbows and unicorns. He knows how the world works. He experiences it every single day. Despite his young age he knows _his_ reality. His _future_. Not very bright that is.

Of course he should have dreams. He should hope for something better. But till now there was not a single ray of sunshine in his moody life. How can he possibly escape from the future that lies in front of him? His family is-has always been-poor. And money was everything, his father used to say. He tried to overcome that. But how could he when he didn’t have anyone by his side? His parents acted like he didn’t exist most of the time since the day one of their neighbors told them that he saw their only son kissing a _boy_. They never really talked about it. They didn’t swear at him. Didn’t beat him. Didn’t throw him out. They now only had the typical exchange of “how have you been?” “Fine. And you?” “Same, as you know”.

From time to time they’d sent him some money and Wooyoung wondered whether they really cared. Or were they keeping up with him just so he would return after his studies and help them with the family business? They were getting old after all.

He wasn’t that ignorant. He knew it was also his fault at this point. He can’t keep blaming mommy and daddy for his shitty life. He could always chase after his dream of being a dancer. He could move to a different city and start a new life, being who he really wanted to be. But he was scared.

His best friend, Yeosang, was always there for him. But he had also too much of his own problems and Wooyoung would hate to add more on the poor boy’s mind. Besides since Wooyoung got a scholarship at the Seoul University and Yeosang stayed back, getting a job to help his mother, they barely talked. Both too immersed in their problems. Both too afraid to be a burden to the other.

Yeosang was his only real friend he’d say. The only one who he got close with in Seoul was San. And right now he was really doubting if that turned out to be one of the best or worst things that could have happened to him.

A couple of months ago he believed that talking to San about his real feelings would help him sort out at least that part of his life.

There were two outcomes usually when you confess to your crush (or in Wooyoung’s case friends with benefits but not really friends). One, he returns your feelings and then you sort things out from there together. Two, he rejects you and you move on with your life (hopefully). That’s what Wooyoung had in mind. Talk to San, tell him that he likes him and that their open/benefits relationship hurts him. That he wants them to be exclusive. And ask him what’s going on with his life. Why is he acting like a jerk, having each day a new girlfriend, cheating on her with him, throwing parties secretly from his parents, hanging out with those who considered themselves the “elite” of the university (but were only making fun of other students including Wooyoung).

And that’s what Wooyoung did. He did tell him all those things. And San… San’s only response was “It’s _not fair_ for you”, refusing to give any explanation and then kicking him out form the back door as soon as he heard his parents car.

Wooyoung was angry. _No_. He was _pissed off_. Didn’t he deserve at least an explanation? A proper rejection? He really was just an acquaintance to San after all. He was only using him for sex, to take out all of his frustrations for whatever problems he had and then return to his girlfriend and treating her like Wooyoung should be treated.

He was _this_ close to hating San. To loathe him. But the next day-or the next night actually- he appeared at the convenience store and took a seat at the stool near the window and by the cash desk Wooyoung was sitting.

That’s what was going on for about three weeks. Wooyoung having almost every day the night shift as he didn’t have any morning classes this semester (and getting fired from the coffee shop). San was coming every night wearing usually a black mask that he took off when he entered the shop but never pulling down his hood. Like he didn’t want to be seen.

They didn’t talk. Just sat there. The younger gave up asking after the first night. Wooyoung sometimes brought his homework to finish. There were only few customers so late in the night.

San sometimes was going out and Wooyoung soon noticed that he went out to have a smoke. When did San start smoking? Was he smoking before and Wooyoung hadn’t noticed? He didn’t really want to ask. San was probably going to ignore him.

And that’s what was eating Wooyoung up. He was supposed to be out of this mess by now. Not be even more confused than when he was still San’s fuck buddy. He was still mad at him for that night when he had poured his heart out but only got a “it’s not fair” and for coming again in his life but refusing to talk to him. However he couldn’t help but feel warmth spreading in his chest every time San appeared at the entrance of the convenience store. He felt secure and safe by his presence only.

That’s why after a few weeks of no talking he decided that if San didn’t want to speak he would. He started talking about his life, about his family, his childhood, Yeosang, their relationship, his feelings. He got nothing to lose so might as well let San know his side of the story. He knew that the older boy was listening. He was paying attention to everything Wooyoung was saying. He always did. He couldn’t see his handsome face well from the hood and his bangs falling on his eyes but he knew that he had San’s full attention.

He realized that especially when he started talking about San. About his point of view of the other’s life. Maybe he felt wronged by Wooyoung’s words. Maybe he wanted to explain himself to the younger. Wooyoung wasn’t sure if what San told him was true during their nights at the convenience store. But he was happy that San was talking at least. Even if he was trying to make up excuses for himself and was barely saying two sentences every night.

One part of Wooyoung wanted to believe his words. Another was trying to hate him for lying to him even after Wooyoung poured out everything to him. San’s words were incoherent. He would talk about everything and about nothing. His words were all over the place. But Wooyoung started to put the pieces together. In the almost four years of knowing San, he never forgot their conversations. Not a single word that had come out of San’s mouth.

_“Hi!!! You seem lost. I can help you if you want. I’m San by the way! Choi San.”_

_“It’s also my fist day here but they used to bring us here from my old high school. You know how they are there, because someone is rich it’s almost sure that they’ll come here to study… they wanted to make us get used to our future campus.”_

_“I cant’s wait to start university! Most are scared but I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life. It’s a chance to be free, you know?”_

_“You probably think I’m crazy talking about being free and all that. But one day I’ll explain everything to you. I can already tell we’re gonna be best friends”_

_“I’m not from Seoul actually! We moved here when I was about ten years old. My dad wanted to expand his company you can say. Oh, I can speak in satoori here listen…”_

_ “Wow Wooyoung! You died your hair blonde! It’s amazing! I want a change too… but my parents are gonna kill me if I do something like that… Yu know what, fuck them. Will you come with me? I always wanted some red strikes. Maybe some piercings too! Like yours.”_

_“I wish we shared some classes together Wooyoungie. You make me feel free…”_

_“Hey, Wooyoung… Are you drunk?... Maybe I should put you in bed and leave. It was a bad idea to come to your dorm with beers, you can’t hold your liquor obviously haha!!”_

_“God Woo you drive me crazy… are you sure about this? I don’t want you to regret it in the morning”_

_“Fuck… that dance club of yours… I should thank them really. Your body is so sexy… I’ll make you feel so good”_

_“Wooyoung, do you wanna come over? My parents are not home…”_

It all started to make sense to Wooyoung now. San explained the things that he had misunderstood because he cared of what Wooyoung thought of him. Even though he could barely hear him, voice almost inaudible mixed with the sounds of the store and the streets. But San had finally opened up to him.

“Wooyoung, you know that most of my girlfriends ask me out and then leave me ‘cause I’m not who they thought I’d be…”

“They say I have many things going on in my head.”

“Some said I probably can’t get over a previous love or something. My mind and heart belongs to someone else…”

“The parties… I don’t know… It’s not that I like them like them. Just…If you wanna fit in that’s what you do… The staff at my house; they all have a soft spot for me. They raised me after all since we came here. They help me to clean up after the parties and they don’t mention anything to my parents. They’d kill me if they knew.”

“I haven’t slept with most of them as you believe… We only went to a couple of dates”

“My parents would never approve of a boyfriend. They probably already have a list of potential brides for me.”

“I don’t know why I started smoking. It’s not like it will solve any of my problems… But it became a bad habit of me now I guess.”

“Oh my hair and piercings? My dad got mad at first. You remember that day after we visited the hairdresser salon that I had some bruises? I hadn’t slipped on the stairs like I had told you. But then he thought it is only a weird phase for me. My mum told him to let me be so that when I finish studying all this would have wear out and I’d be ready to take over our company.”

Wooyoung felt guilty. He should have realized that San was not happy. He was not who he thought he was. He was the only person that San opened up a bit more and he failed to see his pain.

It was clear to him that he was not just a distraction for the older boy but a way to get away from his own reality. They weren’t so different after all like Wooyoung had thought. He too found comfort in San’s presence. And maybe, just maybe there is a slight chance that San liked him too. Maybe that’s why he didn’t give up on Wooyoung. Maybe he was scared of what would his parents, his friends and the whole society say.

That’s why one night he texted San, asking him to come over to his dorm. He didn’t expect him to show up. It was Sunday. He wasn’t working and so did San’s parents. He imagined that it was easier for the dark haired boy to sneak out during work days. But he couldn’t help it anymore. Even if San didn’t like him in that way he could be his friend. He could be there for him. And San would be there for him too. It would probably kill him inside to just be friends and see San continue dating other people and ignore him when they’re in public. But at least San would have someone he could go to when things got tough.

San did show up however. Wearing his usual black hoodie and mask and looking better than he ever could while wearing flashy clothes and a fake smile when he was with his friends. Wooyoung felt a bit twisted for preferring this San. The one with dark, empty eyes and sickly pale skin. The one who had nothing to give and nothing to lose.

Wooyoung was sure that after that night everything would be fine. Even though they could lose everything else they’d still have each other. He could feel it from the way San pressed him down that night telling him that he loved him. From his gentle touch and sweet kisses that he left on his body.

However Wooyoung’s life wasn’t meant to be that simple.

That’s why he was here, a week after, trying to hold his tears and thinking that _this was “not fair”._ Whatever San had meant that night by saying it was not fair to Wooyoung could never prepare him for this.

_“Wooyoung, I’m leaving”_


	3. Chapter 3

“Wooyoung, I’m leaving”

“Wh-what do you mean? Where are you going?” He could hear it in his voice. This was not an “I’m leaving now”, or “I’m leaving for a trip with my friends”. He knew that in a few months they’d finish with their studies and he’d have to go back to Ilsan. But it wasn’t that far away from Seoul. If San wanted to they’d work it out.

“Listen Wooyoung, I know this is selfish of me but I thought about it. Heck, I’ve been thinking about it for years but I was a coward! Now however I’m not backing up. I’m… actually I’m leaving tonight.” San leaned against the alley wall. Fuck it, he was going to be late for work but Wooyoung wasn’t going to just say goodbye and leave.

“San, be clear with me. Where the fuck are you going? And why are you telling me this only now? Didn’t I have the right to know? I know I don’t mean anything to you. It was wrong of me to assume that the last week-”

“No no Wooyoung-ah” San interrupted his rumble. He somehow still managed to hold his tears and hold himself back from punching San in the face. “I’m going back to my hometown to my grandparents. They never supported my parents’ decision to move to Seoul. They’ll help me. It was a last minute call actually. I-I had a fight with my mum this morning and that was probably the push I needed to do it. Please, _please_, don’t say that you don’t mean anything to me. You’re probably the only person that could mean something to me. I never lied to you. Everything I said, everything I did was real…”

“I’m not sure if I can believe you. The past four years you messed up my life more than anyone should have. And it was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you” the first tear rolled down his rosy cheek. “Anyway, what about university?” he quickly wiped his face hoping that San missed the gruff in his voice.

“I’ll drop out. It’s not something that I wanted to do anyway. I’ll find a job and then maybe I’ll study something that I actually like. I’m still not sure what that is though” He laughed bitterly looking up at the clouds that filled the sky. “Hey, it’s probably going to rain and you’ll be late for work… I should get going too”

“Oh, now you care about my job? You know what San. Fuck you!” Wooyoung couldn’t believe what was happening right now. How could he say that he cared about him and at the same time treat him like this?

“I tried, I really fucking tried to understand you, to help you. And what you do? You just go! You didn’t even explain to me what is going on in your life. I just had to figure it out by myself. You used me for three years just to fuck me whenever you were in the “mood” and treat me like I didn’t exist after! Well I have news for you! I didn’t wait for you to do that, I have my parents that act like I’m fucking dead. You didn’t even realize that you were hurting me with your attitude. And when I finally try to break free you just won’t let me go!”

Wooyoung paused and took a deep breath. He had so much more to say to San. But it was raining. The raindrops mixing with his tears.

“What do you want from me San? Do you like to see me hurting?” He was sobbing now. The sudden outburst tiring him out. San was also crying silently by now. He slowly moved close to Wooyoung, raising his arms to hug him but dropping them when the other boy flinched and pressed his back against the wall and under the wall above them to protect himself from the rain.

“Woo. I know I don’t deserve this but… it is true. That I love you. I hate to see you hurting. I hate myself everyday for being so dense and not realizing that before. And I’m so, _so_ sorry. I promise that I cherished every moment with you form the very first time I saw you. I never explained anything to you because I don’t even know what is going on with my life. That’s why I’m leaving. To find myself and be a better person. For you and for me. Here, my parents will always tell me what to do. I’ll never be good enough for them just like now.

I’m not asking you to wait for me. I could never ask that from you or anything else really… The last week was real from me. And I know it was for you too. And I wish I could spend my life with you and be happy with you. I wish I could hold your hand in public and kiss you and say to everyone that I have the most beautiful boy in the world inside and out in my arms every night. But you know I can’t. Not if I still live under my parents rules. I think that… I think that if it’s meant to be, if _we’re_ meant to be, fate will bring us together again. Right?”

His father always said that crying is a weakness. And he didn’t want to seem weak in front of San. But he couldn’t help it. He closed his eyes and jumped in San’s arms who immediately embraced him. Holding him tightly and sobbing in his neck.

“P-please San, don’t leave m-me… Fate has failed me till now, don’t do this to me.”

“Shh, I know baby. But trust me” San gently cupped his face turning it to look at him. “This time, I won’t let others lead my life and if you’ll have me then I’ll find you” Wooyoung nodded slowly. Obviously San had made up his mind. And maybe that was the best for both of them.

San was only going to the other side of the country. Not even a different one. But he wanted to find himself. And that meant to get away from his life here. His parents, the university, his friends and Wooyoung. He understood that. It will be the best for Wooyoung too. Maybe he was upset now but it would be fine. He could also see how his life would be without San meddling in it. They both needed this.

Their relationship wasn’t healthy. Right now they were bad for each other. Too messed up to even care for their own selves. San was using him. Wooyoung became obsessed with him. They liked how messed up the other was. Because it meant that they had someone like them. It might have started out differently but without realizing it, that’s what it had turned out to be. 

“Hey, ” San broke the silence and wiped some of the rain that managed to fall on the other’s face. The tears had stopped. “Do you remember one night at the convenience store when you told me you liked romance? All those romantic scenes? One of your dreams was to be kissed in the rain… Will you let me give this to you? As a goodbye gift?”

So he did listen to what Wooyoung was saying. The blonde boy smiled. He felt light. Like a weight have been lifted off of him. It’s like he finally saw that much much desirable ray of sunlight in his life.

He examined San’s face. Maybe it was the last time that he’d see him. After this, they would part ways and there were two options in Wooyoung’s mind. One, they realize that they truly love each other. Two, they realize that they’re better off like that.

San was smiling too. His eyes crinkled and shiny. His dimples that Wooyoung always wanted to poke but was too embarrassed to do it, appearing on his handsome face. And that’s what he did. He raised one hand slowly and with one finger he poked San’s cheek whispering “I would love that”.

And then San’s dimples disappeared and his face turned serious. He leaned forward slowly, his lips inches away from Wooyoung’s plush ones. His hands trailed down from the inside of his coat on his sides till they settled on his hips while Wooyoung placed them against his hard chest. San closed his eyes just breathing him in but not leaning in yet.

He brushed their noses together and placed gingerly a kiss on the corner of Wooyoung’s lips. Wooyoung closed his eyes and felt San’s hot breath trailing on his cold, wet skin, soft kisses being placed on his jaw. His mouth fell open heaving out a sigh as all the emotions started flooding in his heart again. His right hand grabbed tightly San’s shirt as he felt his mouth finally on his, closing softly and nibbling on his lower lip. He returned the kiss opening his mouth more for San and pressing closer to his warmth.

This was it. Not like their drunken first make out in his dorm, not like all the hungry kisses they shared that left them with bruised bloody lips.. This was perfect. Slow and full of real pure emotions, free of lust and jealousy. Free of anger and neediness.

San was leisurely licking in his mouth having him softly pressed against the wall but not changing the pace. For the first time Wooyoung realized that all the previous kisses that they had shared were hurting him. He thought that all the biting was because of their lust driven minds. But it didn’t have to be so harsh. When he was kissing San thinking that before he was out with his new girlfriend and trying to scratch his back even more till it bled out. It didn’t have to be like that. He was jealous. And San was mad.

The dark haired boy slowly pulled away pressing two last kisses on his swollen lips and letting go of his embrace.

“Well now you’re definitely going to be late. And probably sick.” He laughed awkwardly. He was embarrassed like Wooyoung. It was the first time they were true to each other.

“It’s okay. It was worth it.” Wooyoung bit his lips and looked down. It was time. “Well Choi San. It was a pleasure.” He extended his hand out laughing teasingly. It was already tough saying goodbye and they both had cried too much. He had still many days to cry in the comfort of his bed. Now he wanted it to be a happy moment.

Sam laughed along and took his hand squeezing it gently. “The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Jung Wooyoung… But really Woo-ah I promise you that if we ever cross paths again I’ll explain everything to you. And you should be prepared because I won’t let you go!”

“I hope that that last one is a promise too.” Wooyoung let go of their hands and looked right into San’s eyes.

“It is angel. Take care. I-I’ll miss you!” And he stepped further back in the rain smiling at Wooyoung and then turned around, walking away. Just as he was at the end of the alley Wooyoung remembered something.

“Wait! San!” He ran towards him but stopped further away from him. “Uhm, text me when you get to your hometown. Just to know that you’re safe… just one text. I won’t even reply!”

“Of course. Goodbye Wooyoung.”

And he was gone.

Wooyoung took a deep breath to compose himself and made his way to the convenience store. He should probably head home to change and grab an umbrella but he was already late and maybe he could save his ass from being fired. He needed the job anyway.

On his way there it stopped raining and when he looked up rays of sunshine were peeking from the dark clouds. They were giving a reddish hue to the dull sky as the sun was probably setting behind the tall buildings of Seoul. The young boy smiled to himself and run the last couple of blocks to the store.

Thankfully his boss wasn’t there when he arrived. Only the girl that worked the previous shift. She was mad at him for being late and having to stay there till he showed up. But she soon forgave him and just asked him to inform her if he was going to be late again. She was really sweet and Wooyoung was grateful to her for not calling the store’s owner on him.

“Oh, Wooyoung. I almost forgot,” she exclaimed just as she was about to leave, rummaging through her bag. “A boy came earlier and asked me to give this to you. He didn’t tell me his name and he was wearing a black mask so I couldn’t see his face well…” she handed a small envelope to the boy who took it warily.

“Thank you Seonghee. Don’t worry I think I know who he was.” he responded inspecting the envelope carefully.

“No problem Woo! Have a good night!”

“You too. Thank you for everything! I owe you.” he smiled at her and when she was gone he immediately took a seat not before making sure that there were no customers.

_My dear Wooyoung,_

_Since this letter is in your hands now, you’ll probably know that I’ve decided to leave Seoul. I just hope that you don’t hate me that much (which is understandable if you do)._

_But I feel like I owe you an explanation, my angel. I can’t tell you many things as I myself don’t understand a lot about me. The only thing I am sure of is you. And I realize now that I am too late. You were always there but I failed to see you. I hurt you because of that with my actions and my words. _

_I know I don’t deserve this Woo but I hope that you’ll keep reading this letter till the end. Anyway let me start from the beginning. _

_As you know I moved here when I was in elementary school. My parents always wanted to make it big. They made me attend a private school where all the rich and successful businessmen sent their kids to get in their social circle. And they made it. My classmates from then were almost all attending the Seoul University. You were one of the few people I didn’t recognize that day when I met you. _

_I realized then that you were probably not from Seoul. Then we talked (or mostly I did, you were still shy back then baby) and it was so easy. So easy talking to you and being myself. All the other rich kids were never really my friends if you consider that I had to change my whole personality to fit in. I had almost forgotten who I really was and had become one of them. But with you I felt different. You were so effortless, so simple. Not giving a damn about how much profit my dad’s company made, if my accent slipped from time to time, how much my watch costs._

_And I saw something in you that I always wanted to be. I thought you were free, not having anyone telling you what to do. You lived on your own in a foreign city, you worked, you were in the dance club that I always wanted to join but my father was telling me that dancing was for girls only. You had your blonde hair and piercings that I always wanted but was never allowed to have. It’s like you corrupted me but in the best possible way._

_About us sleeping together… It was unavoidable actually since you were attracted to me too. From the first time I laid my eyes on you I thought that you were gorgeous. You were cute and sexy at the same time without even trying. You were always wearing sweatpants and loose t-shirts but I still could barely help myself around you. You were making it really really hard for me (no pun intended)._

_And after our first time together I couldn’t get enough. I kept thinking about your delicious lips on mine, your back arched from the pleasure I was giving you. Your hands scratching my back leaving marks that I never wanted to fade. Your strong thighs wrapped tightly around me and how soft they felt when I squeezed and bit on them._

_You’re probably blushing like crazy now sweetheart. I know you were always shy when I talked about those things but they are all true. _

_I know now that I hurt you. I used you only for pleasure and forgot about our blossoming friendship. I stopped listening to your concerns, I never asked you to hang out, I avoided you at the university till you stopped trying too. And I only called you when I wanted I quick release. _

_You were, you are so much more than that though. You were always self conscious and insecure and I made it even worse. I know how It’s like to come to a place full of snobs that mock you and think their better than you and yet I didn’t help you. I only made it worse._

_But you somehow managed to fall in love with me. I know your love is real. I can feel it. But I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you but I’m so selfish that I want you all for myself. I hate the thought of you with someone that isn’t me. _

_However, my love for you is not healthy. I will only hurt you. That’s why when I’ll leave tonight, I won’t contact you again. You’ll be hurt, I know. You’ll probably hate me and you have every right to do so. But when I find myself and you’ll find your own direction in life I want to ask for one more chance._

_If you’ll have me I want to make it right this time. I want to be your fairytale and your reality. That much desirable cliché love story that you talked to me about. I desire to be just that for you and even more._

_This letter had gotten way to long now, but please don’t give up now! We’re almost at the end!_

_The last thing I want to say to you angel is to not give up on your dreams. I know I’m not one to talk about giving up but please. You are strong and you can achieve everything you want to. Don’t let others decide your fate._

_I love you, Wooyoung. I really do. But don’t wait for me. Live your life, find people that truly deserve you because you deserve everything and even more than that. If you find someone that can treat you right and makes you happy I won’t meddle with your life._

_The second chance that I’m asking from you is only for you to give me if you’ll still love me by then. But don’t hold on to it if you find the chance to move on. Don’t search for me, I’ll come to you if that’s what our fate wants for us. _

_Goodbye my angel, my paradise, my escape…_

_Yours truly,_

_San_

~

_“Hmph , it’s raining again I hate this kind of weather” Wooyoung complained staring out of the large windows. His gaze turned to San who was as usual sitting on the stool by the register. He was staring at his hands that were picking a loose thread from his jeans. But he was listening. He always did._

_“I kind of like how the lights shine on the wet streets though. Hey San, have I told you about my list of “All the romantic acts Wooyoung wants to experience”? Yeosang says it’s stupid and not to tell to anyone else. It’s enough that he knows, he says.”_

_San didn’t respond but he looked at him curiously as Wooyoung hoped on the cash desk. There were weirdly no customers. Usually when it rained many hurried in the store to take shelter. But then again it was probably past midnight by now._

_“We watched many movies together when we were in high school. He prefers action movies and sci-fi. I like them too but just to irk him when it was my turn to pick I always chose a cheesy rom-com. I kinda liked them._

_It’s nice to see a romance that will never exist in real life. Or at least in my life. And even though many find it stupid I like all those classic cliché scenes._

_I want someone to write a song about me, to come under my window and play my favorite song, to confess in front of a big crowd. Like the stupid grabbing your hand when you’re about to leave thing that they always do in dramas. Kissing in the rain, dancing under the stars. Or wiping your mouth because of course that’s when you’ll get dirty while eating or drinking. All those corny stuff.” He side eyed and San and he was staring at him. But Wooyoung couldn’t make out what his expression meant. He sighed loudly and hoped of the desk retuning behind it and sitting on the chair._

_“I don’t remember my list exactly but most of these were included. Yeosan-”_

_The customer that walked in destructed Wooyoung from what he wanted to say. Instead he got up and led the newcomer to the isle that he asked for missing the other boy’s smile that formed on his lips and gaze that followed him as he helped the customer. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided to continue this but I can't promise frequent updates, I'm really sorry TT.TT

**4.**

_Wooyoung was sitting on the soft sand while enjoying the sounds of the waves at the peaceful beach. He closed his eyes smiling as he felt a light breeze caress his cheeks that were flushed from the cold._

_He felt so happy. He almost bounced on his seat from the excitement. The blonde bit his lower lip trying to contain himself. He pulled his woolen grey beanie a bit lower to cover his ears and rose to his feet. After he dusted the sand of his jeans, he placed his hands in his jacket’s pockets and walked closer to the sea._

_It seemed that he had to wait for a bit as he had left his house half an hour earlier than needed. He considered texting the other that he had arrived but the boy was probably on his way already to get here._

_“Better this way,” he hummed to himself. He could relax a bit and enjoy the calmness of the sea. This part of the beach had been their meet up point for a while now. Sometimes they’d stay there too immersed in the beauty of the abandoned shore during winter and forget about their plans._

_He walked a bit further but tried to stay close enough so that he could be seen. The saltiness made his hair that fell of the beanie feel sticky and his shoes got dirty and damp from the wet sand he was walking on. However he loved the feeling. It was familiar. Made him reminisce so many memories he had from the ocean._

_His face got hot and something in him stirred at a sudden image from the previous summer that flashed in his mind. Just the two of them in a remorse beach, under the burning sun. His lover made him feel so good as he made love to him out in the open. Skin tasting salty under exploring lips. Hands feeling hotter on his hips that the scorching sand under him. Hair wet and tangled with fingers. Mind hazy and dizzy from the sun and the pleasure. _

_He shook his head trying to shake off the vulgar memory too. He should keep his composure. At least till their date ended. Then he was sure they’d end up in each other’s arms._

_As he kept walking he suddenly felt arms circling around his waist and securing him in his place. He was startled at first but in seconds he recognized the feeling of his love’s touch and masculine scent. He smiled to himself and leaned back on the tough chest enjoying his warmth._

_“A pretty boy like you shouldn’t wonder alone. What if someone snatches you?” He felt hot breath on his ear and the arms on his waist leaving him to rest on his hips. Wooyoung turned around then and pressed a small kiss on lips as a greeting._

_“Then you’d come to save me, right?” He grinned at him and San leaned down to kiss him properly, leaving him breathless after parting their lips. That was the only answer he needed._

_“Were you waiting long?” He murmured concern dripping from his voice._

_“No, Sanie. It’s okay,” He intertwined their hands and looked at the older “Shall we go?”_

_“Of course love.”_

_They were walking in the busy street as the sun has disappeared, giving its place to the moon. Wooyoung had been too excited to return home so they opted for some street food instead of sitting at some restaurant like San had planned._

_The blonde was currently finishing his ice cream that insisted on buying despite the cold weather. He turned and looked happily at San who caught him staring and returned the smile. _

“Wooyoung?”

_He threw away the rest of the ice cream cone and pushed San in a secluded alleyway. The older’s black hair had gotten longer and Wooyoung wanted to run his hand through them._

_He did that and pulled a bit too harshly making the other groan. He shoved San against the wall and breathed in his mouth._

“Wooyoung! Hey!”

_Oh how much he wanted to kiss and bit on those lips. Till he drew blood out of them. Till he was left with no breath. Till both of them were panting._

“WOOYOUNG! What the hell? I’ve been calling you for five minutes now!”

“Oh, Yeo? I’m sorry I… I was-”

“You were daydreaming again. Anyway, there’s a woman with her son asking for you. You shouldn’t make them wait anymore.” The brunette said and exited the dance room.

Wooyoung sighed and got up, stretching his body and watching his reflection on the huge mirrors. His hair looked okay and his makeup covered somehow the dark circles under his empty eyes.

After making sure his appearance was okay he left hastily to meet his potential clients before Yeosang came in and dragged him out by the hair. The older was probably already pissed that he hadn’t moped the practice room like he was supposed to. Instead he was lost again in his thoughts.

He found his friend in the front room talking with the woman and a young boy, probably in seventh or eighth grade. When they noticed him he quickly introduced himself and Yeosang left back to the other room (most likely to clean up before his first class started).

After Wooyoung was done he returned to where Yeosang was through the narrow corridor. The place wasn’t that big anyways. Just a small front room and the dance room. They couldn’t afford for anything bigger yet. Besides he still didn’t need any more room.

He took a seat at the edge of the desk observing Yeosang who was now wiping the mirror on the wall. He was truly lucky that he had a friend like him. He wouldn’t be here without him. He _couldn’t_ be here without him.

“Woo?” Yeosang was watching him through the mirror. He had stopped cleaning and had taken off his earphones. “Are you okay? Those daydreams of yours, they’re happing quite often you know.”

“I’m fine Yeo. Don’t worry it’s not that serious.” He laughed to make it more believable and thankfully the other didn’t say anything else continuing with his cleaning. He too took a mop and started helping the boy.

***

Wooyoung and Yeosang were lying on the bed, the mattress making cricking sounds every time either of them moved. Wooyoung had his eyes closed enjoying the sound of the rain. It helped his troubled mind travel. Helped him forget his thoughts and problems.

His friend was starring at the small window in front of them. He had something on his mind. Wooyoung knew it. He was waiting for it. It’s been there for days, dangling between them. Wooyoung was trying to fool Yeosang for almost two years now. But his best friend wasn’t stupid. He might not talk much but he sure knew a lot more than he showed.

The rain continued to fall, Wooyoung was trying not to fall in too deep again. Tried to contain his thoughts. Yeosang would be mad if he zoned of again and he wanted to talk to him.

He didn’t have classes that day so they could lay down all day saying nothing and just enjoying each others’ company. But the blonde hoped that Yeosang would have somewhere else to go in the afternoon so he could leave too without having to find an excuse.

He hasn’t been there for so long.

“Woo?”

“Hm?”

“What do you think when you zone out like that?”

“Nothing.”

“Wooyoung.” Yeosang sat up giving him a stern look.

“What? You asked me, I answered. What more do you want me to say?”

“How can you think of nothing for minutes straight and not realize when someone’s talking to you?”

“I just can.” He huffed but tried to act indifferent again.

“Is it… Is it about that guy? San?”

There it is. Wooyoung was waiting the day that Yeosang would finally say it. He knew that he’d asked him about _him_. He tried to seem like he didn’t care every time Yeosang would mention him. Tried to act like _he_ had left his thoughts a long time ago.

“No, Yeo.” He sighed and looked at the ceiling. He was used to it by now. Was used to the thought of San.

Yeosang didn’t push the matter anymore. But Wooyoung knew that his friend was curious. Not in a bad way. Bad since the moment he talked to him about San he wanted to sympathize with him. Wanted to care. He didn’t know how to comfort the hurt boy but he did the best he could.

He would often ask Wooyoung how he felt when he was with San or how they acted around each other. He had told him everything of course. The moment he graduated and returned back home.

It’s been quiet for a while again but soon Yeosang’s deep voice interrupted the peaceful silence.

“Do you ever wonder what he’s doing now? Where he is? How he looks like? All that…”

Wooyoung wanted to laugh. No. He wanted to scream _and_ laugh. Yeosang was indeed clever. He tried to hide his grin however not wanting to reveal himself.

“No. I don’t.” He turned his head and looked at the brunette’s confused expression.

Why should he wonder about all those useless things? He already knew _everything_. He knew where _he_ lived, where _he_ was working, _his_ job, _his_ car and that _he_ rarely used preferring to walk or use public transportation. Of course he knew how _he_ looked like. He knew most of _his_ everyday routine. Hell, he knew most of _his_ friends.

_But_

Yeosang didn’t know that he knew. And he must never know. Or he’d make things complicated for Wooyoung and he most definitely did not need that.

“Yeo,” he sat up and took his friends hands in his giving him a comforting smile. “Don’t worry about me. I told you already me and San belong in the past. We were in university and we acted recklessly. It wasn’t going to last anyway. I’m not gonna deny it, what I felt for him was real. And you know better than anyone that I got hurt by him. But as I told you before… as he told me, if we’re meant to be than it’s going to come on its own. For now I have responsibilities and other problems to care about that I didn’t have back then.” He smiled again and Yeosang did too leaning forward to give the blonde a tight hug.

Oh how easily the lies slipped out of his mouth. One after the other.

He rubbed Yeosang’s back and rested his chin on his shoulder smiling a bit at himself. “It’s okay baby, don’t worry. I’m fine.” He murmured. He knew his friend was worrying too much. He felt a bit guilty for lying to him but that’s how it was. He didn’t have much choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for reading this!!! Happy New Year everyone!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

_“Do you ever wonder what he’s doing now? Where he is? How he looks like? All that…”_

Yeosang’s words were still in his mind. Sometimes he’d forget about them. Some other he’d think about it so much till he’d lose his sleep. It’s not those exact words that troubled him. More like what they reminded him of.

Wooyoung wonders many things. Wants and desires for the moment to finally have the answers to everything. But he was used to it by now and he could manage. He just had to control his urges like he had done before.

He felt the water touch his hand that was hanging in the bathtub and he quickly turned the tap off. He felt every muscle on his body sore after so many hours of teaching dance to his students. His Wednesdays were always packed with class after class, from younger kids to older. But he preferred it that way. It left some of his other days completely free to do what he wanted.

He undressed, letting his clothes all over the floor and got in the hot water. The floor got wet but he didn’t really care. He had squeezed in some soap earlier that created a thick layer of foam.

Wooyoung let his senses relax under the soothing smell and yellow dim lighting of the small lamps of the mirror. He laid back and brought his knees up so he could fit more comfortably in the small tub. Closing his eyes he felt like he could finally unwind and completely let go. His mind could finally be free…

_The water was hot._

_He felt his aching muscles slowly loosen up and he raised his hands to rub on his warm skin. He brought them to his blonde hair to wet them and bring them back a bit, revealing his forehead. _

_When he opened his eyes he found San sitting on the toilet’s closed lid, dark eyes locked on him._

_Wooyoung had that effect on the older after all. San always said that he could look at him for hours nonstop. That he was the most beautiful creature, his sexy little vixen and cute adorable angel at the same time._

_He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and black sweatpants and he still looked amazing. Nevertheless, Wooyoung liked the way he could see his arms’ muscles flex and his broad shoulders looking even wider. _

_The blonde smirked at him and beckoned him closer by just biting his lips and gazing down. The older complied and sat himself on the tub’s edge next to Wooyoung’s head. He didn’t say a word. Just played with his bleached hair and brushed his fingers on his exposed skin. He wanted to tease him. Make him beg for some more of his burning touch._

_Wooyoung wiggled a bit till he was hugging his knees close to his chest and laid his head on them gazing into San’s dark eyes. He often reminded him of a feline creature with his sharp features and elegant beauty. The boy lowered his hand, running his finger down his nape and all the way to his right shoulder. He then turned so he could reach Wooyoung better and started massaging his shoulders._

_Wooyoung broke his stance, tightening his grip on his legs and throwing his head back groaning as he felt the knots on his back relax. His moans grew louder and louder and San’s hand traveled to his arms and then to his chest. Fuck, that boy would be the death of him._

_Soon he felt his hands back on his shoulders and San leaning his weight on them so he could bend forward. “Tell me what you want Woo.” He whispered in his ear and bit on his pierced earlobe._

_“T-touch me.” He huffed as the older was biting and kissing on his neck. He let his legs fall open as an invitation, his knees hitting the tub and splashing water out. He could feel San’s smirk on his skin as he pressed one last open mouthed kiss on the junction of his shoulder and neck, lingering a bit and then pulling away. Wooyoung’s eyes followed his movements as he undressed hastily, revealing his toned body. He got in the bathtub behind Wooyoung and the latter whimpered when he felt his hard on pressing on him._

_“Already hard?” He laughed as San got comfortable and continued marking his neck. His hands crept around his waist one rubbing his soft tummy, pushing Woo back against him and the other reaching lower, grabbing his red member. “You’re one to talk, baby.” He replied cheekily as he squeezed him in his hand and bit hard on his shoulder making Wooyoung throw his head back on his shoulder moaning._

_He was breathing heavily as San showed him no mercy and stroked him quickly tugging hard on his cock. The blonde felt San leaning back, taking him together so he was somehow half laying on his chest. The older’s hand left him a bit as parted Wooyoung’s thighs and made him bend his knees to have a better access. He gave him no space to catch his breath as his hand grabbed his flushed cock again while his other pressed against his entrance. The water made the slide no easier but he still pushed one finger in, fucking him slowly with it._

_Wooyoung liked the burn of it. It hurt but he didn’t complain. Instead he turned his head to catch San’s lips in a kiss, sliding his tongue in his hot cavern and licking messily. He soon felt another finger sliding in and he broke the kiss moaning San’s name and pushing himself down to take his digits deeper. _

_They continued like that with the dark haired man adding a third finger in him and quickening his moves till Wooyoung was squirming in his hold and moaned as he came hard in his hand._

_“Fuck Sa- Uh… San!”_

_He kept fingering him and tugging his sensitive member till the blonde couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed his hands trying to push them away._

_“Sannie please!” He whined._

_The water was hot and his body spent. He could feel his eyes closing, mind slowly drifting._

_…_

“Woo? Are you okay?” Wooyoung heard Yeosang knocking the bathroom door waking him up.

“Y-yes! I’m fine.” He quickly drained the water that had turned cold by now and quickly washed himself.

“It’s getting late Woo, you should go to sleep.” Yeosang said still outside the door and then he heard his bedroom door closing after he told him he would be out soon. He brushed his teeth and dried his hair before heading out and going to his friend’s room.

“Goodnight Yeo,” he sat next to him on the bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek despite the boy’s protests.

“Goodnight Woo. Oh and tomorrow I have the morning shift so I guess I’ll see you after you return.”

Yeosang was working at a local coffee shop and sometimes helped Wooyoung, mostly with paperwork and the front desk. Wooyoung also wanted to find a second job as he had his weekdays’ mornings free but Yeosang wouldn’t let him. He said that they can manage like that and if things got rough then they’d talk about what they could do. Thankfully, he had a satisfying amount of students by now.

He returned to his room and laid on his bed, mind drifting back to his dream. His eyes burned and he felt tears running down his cheeks. What’s the point of holding it in now? He was all alone. He cried and cried till he was tired and he calmed down. He hugged himself and his eyelids closed trying to imagine that it wasn’t his arms around him. Some drops still managed to escape falling on the pillow.

_God, he missed him. _He wanted to feel his warmth again on his skin. His beating heart against his own. He felt so alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

“Thank you Mr. Jung! See you next week!”

“Bye kids, have fun this weekend!” He waved at his last students for the day and proceeded to clean up. He looked at his watch and let out a sigh. It was okay. He still got time. He wouldn’t return home in case of Yeosang being there already.

He finished as fast as he could and locked up making his way down to the bus stop. He pulled his hood up and waited while continuously checking his phone and watch. When the bus finally came he got in and took a seat next to the window, his eyes locked on the road. Thankfully he only got down a few stops further and didn’t have to walk much after to reach his destination.

Wooyoung got there and stopped at his usual place, by a wall across the big building’s entrance and waited. He checked his phone again. He was just in time. He always ended around 3 pm from his job.

Usually at Saturdays he’d return home or he’d grab something to eat first. As Wooyoung came to know, he didn’t work during the afternoons. He spent his time at the gym or went out with his friends if not at home.

As Wooyoung observed several people going in and out of the company his eyes finally stopped on the person he was waiting. He was wearing a black coat and turtleneck today. He looked handsome as he always did and elegant. It felt weird as Wooyoung was mostly used to his laid back style that he sported back in university.

The blonde followed him down the road making sure to keep a safe distance between them. He was lucky that San didn’t use his car again. But there was no need as his house was close to the company he was working. However sometimes he’d drive there and Wooyoung couldn’t keep up with him. Especially if he wouldn’t return home and went elsewhere.

San stopped at a local restaurant and ordered for takeaway as Wooyoung saw him waiting while scrolling on his phone. After a while the lady gave him a bag and San smiled at her and left. Wooyoung turned around before the other could see him next to the entrance and then turned to check if it was safe for him to carry on.

Oh how he wished for San to smile at him again like he did to that lady. He wanted to see his dimples up close again and his eyes crinkling at the corners making him look younger. But unfortunately he was stuck here, admiring him from afar.

San stopped at some point to talk on the phone and Wooyoung could hear his laugh form the alley that he had hid. He closed his eyes and smiled, leaning back on the wall and he remembered the days that they had spent together when San would laugh with something that Wooyoung would say. Or how he would smile at him after a long passionate kiss, eyes almost disappearing and his dimples popping out.

He decided to return home.

It was enough that he saw his smile and heard him laugh again. It had been a while.

***

Wooyoung found himself in the bus again but this time he was going back home. Yeosang had called him and invited him to lunch with his coworkers from the coffee shop but he kindly denied. Again. His friend was probably disappointed but tried not to show it. He had met Yunho and Jongho and they were really nice _but_ he was not in the mood right now. Or ever. They’d always ask him to join them but he never did. And when they’d come home with Yeosang he’d give a cheap excuse to go in his room. The older often complained that his friends always asked about Wooyoung and that they really liked him but he was impolite and unfriendly.

However lately he had stopped. He was acting more careful around him like he was afraid of something. Maybe he had sensed that Wooyyoung’s mood had changed.

He himself had realized that he had changed. He felt like something was missing. Empty and unmotivated to do anything. He used to be happier and was anticipating for every day to wake up and _live_. Now he was like a walking corpse. He did everything he had to do but didn’t feel _anything_.

He used to love dancing. Used to make him feel alive and like he could fly. Now it had become his job. The job he always wanted. But not exactly it. It was his routine. A chore he had to quickly get over with and go home to lie on his bed and do nothing.

Not even seeing _him_ made him feel chills all over his body like before.

He knew that his misery became evident in his behavior. He talked a lot less than he used to. He would only smile briefly at his students every time they were happy to accomplish a move. The worst was that he made Yeosang feel bad and worry about him. He rarely talked with his friend, about his day and his job or about his problems. Maybe Yeosang wasn’t in a good mood too. Maybe he was. But he didn’t know. The last couple of months he didn’t know what was happening to the older’s life.

He was a terrible friend.

When he returned home he took a much needed shower and decided to wait for his friend in the living room instead of locking himself up in his room again. He sat down on the sofa and leaned back closing his eyes. He hadn’t eaten anything since last night but he wasn’t hungry. He felt satisfied that he had seen San today. That was more than enough for him.

That’s what he kept telling himself. That was what he was trying to convince his own self for a long time now. It used to be. He would feel so blissful when he would just take a quick glance of his handsome face. When he would be lucky enough to hear his voice. When he’d ask around about him and hear that he was doing okay. Those little things were more than enough to him.

Why couldn’t they be now too?

Why couldn’t he be happy again like he was when they had first come to Busan?

However he felt empty again. He felt like he wanted more and more and more. It wasn’t enough to watch from afar. It wasn’t _fair_.

Yeosang’s question all those weeks ago rang again in his ears.

“_Do you ever wonder…”_

_Oh, I do._

He wonders so many things he can’t know. Things he can’t have.

How was his life after he left Seoul? What were his dreams now? How did he look when he had just woken up? What did he smell like? How did he taste? Was he seeing someone else? Was he-

No he couldn’t. Wooyoung would have known if there was someone else in San’s life. But what if he was interested in someone new? What if he had forgotten about Wooyoung?

That was the reason he held himself back and never approached San like he wanted to do oh so many times. Especially lately when he felt that what he was doing wasn’t enough. He wanted to talk to the older, to touch him, to hug him, kiss him. Wanted to have him back. Like he should. Like he deserved.

“Fuck I miss him so much.” He sobbed into his hands suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe. Everything was suffocating. His world was black and hopeless. Why couldn’t he be happy?

He didn’t even know for how long he was crying when he felt a pair of arms around him and his dear friend’s voice trying to calm him down. He turned immediately to the boy, hugging him back and sobbing in his neck.

“I miss him Yeo. So much… I-its hurts. It’s no-not fair… It’s not!” he was weeping wetting Yeosang’s shirt with his tears.

“Woo, please calm down. Everything will be okay. It’s okay… It’s okay.”

“Is it?” He suddenly pulled away and looked in his friend’s big eyes shocking him even more.

“Of course. Wh-what do you mean? You said so yourself Woo. Didn’t you always say that if it’s meant to be-”

“That’s all bullshit.” He mumbled and got up tears still running down his face suddenly mad at the other. Nothing was okay. It surely would never be. That’s not what he wanted to hear. San left him that day and had talked about fate.

Well fuck fate. How was “fate” supposed to bring them back together? If he had stayed in his hometown and San was here in Busan what would happen then? Wooyoung had taken fate in his own hands and did what he had to do. But he was a coward and just watched San from afar. He was too afraid of rejection. Being turned down now would mean the end of their relationship forever. At least now he was happy knowing that maybe San hadn’t forgotten about him. About them.

Fate didn’t know that they belonged together. That they were _made_ for each other.


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

Wooyoung felt like an idiot.

Last night he had stayed in his room and today he woke up earlier than usual and went to his dance studio so that he’d avoid Yeosang. He felt terrible for his sudden outburst, especially for taking it out to his friend who only wanted to help him. What was wrong with him?

But that wasn’t the reason he avoided the other. He didn’t mind apologizing and admitting his mistake. The problem was that yesterday was the first time he talked to Yeosang openly about _San_. He didn’t really remember what he had said and denying that he was crying his eyes out about him would be clearly a lie. One thing he was sure of. He hadn’t mentioned his name. But Yeosang wasn’t stupid. He knew right away who he was talking about. Well, obviously. He didn’t have any other relationships after San. And he didn’t care about anyone else other than him.

At least after his stupid little episode he felt a bit better. He left a note to his friend saying that he went to the studio as to not to worry and ate some cereal before leaving. He had a couple of hours before his first class though.

He entered the small dance room and stood in the middle. He looked at his reflection on the mirror and closed his eyes, memories flashing in his mind. He began moving his body, no music was needed.

He thought of the time when he was young. How loved he felt and how happy he was with his parents. And how they slowly started to hate him more and more till they kicked him out after graduating and refusing to change himself. He thought of dancing and how he almost gave up on his dreams just to satisfy others. He thought of San and how it felt when they were together or when he’d ignore him for months till he needed him again. He thought of Yeosang who was the strongest person he had met. Who gave up on his studies to help his sick mother who then passed away and left him all alone in a city that always talked behind his back about his father abandoning them. Yeosang who followed him all the way to Busan to start over, a new life in a new city, without knowing the real reason behind Wooyoung’s offer.

He danced till he was out of breath, till sweat run down his neck and his muscles hurt. He fell on the floor sucking in air as fast as he could but with a smile forming on his lips. He hadn’t felt like this when dancing in such a long time. He felt free again. Like he gained some hope. Like everything would turn out okay. He had the bestest friend he could ask for, his dream job away from his parents’ negativity in a beautiful city where _he_ lived.

What more could he ask for?

***

Wooyoung was waiting again outside of the big building where San’s apartment was. It was warmer today and that boosted his good mood. He couldn’t wait to see him again. The blonde wondered what the other have wore today, what would he eat for lunch, what were his plans for the evening…

He wasn’t sure if San would go out today as it was Sunday and almost lunch time. But he usually did so he decided to sit at a café nearby where he had a clear view of the building’s exit. The staff there would probably recognize him as soon as he entered by now. It’s been months since he found the little shop across the road and became a regular customer.

His thoughts stopped when he finally saw him exiting. But he wasn’t alone. There was that guy again with him. Park Seonghwa. At least that’s what Wooyoung believed he was called after a quick research.

He was probably one of San’s coworkers and good friend as they were often together. Wooyoung was a bit jealous of him. There was always the possibility of them being closer than friends. Especially with how good looking the taller man was with his raven hair and intimidating glare but he knew he wasn’t San’s type. Except if he had changed that much the last couple of years.

San would often hang out with two other boys too. A tall, red haired handsome man named Song Mingi (again after Wooyoung’s research). And _Kim Hongjoong_. Now, he was the one who Wooyoung was worried about. That boy was more like San’s type. Short, cute, with round ass and short platinum hair. But from what he had seen they didn’t act like boyfriends or anything.

Wooyoung quickly left and followed them to a different coffee shop where he sat a few tables behind them. He wanted to sit a bit closer and maybe listen to San’s voice once again but he didn’t dare to. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before but he didn’t want to risk ruining his day.

His eyes were glued on San’s back. He was lucky enough to see his side profile a couple of times that the man turned his head. Judging from Seonghwa’s smiling face he supposed that they weren’t talking about business like they did some other times that he had the courage to be close enough.

_I’m glad that he is happy…_

But was he really? Wooyoung tried to convince himself that he wanted for San to be happy. Deep inside however he knew that those weren’t his true feelings. He wanted for the other to be happy. _With him._ San should still think about him, miss him, yearning for him. Like Wooyoung did. Why couldn’t he be happy and San could?

He quickly took a sip of his, now cold, coffee and tried to forget those thoughts. Today was a good day. He shouldn’t sink into his mind’s darkness again. Besides, who said that San didn’t put on a happy face to hide his real misery?

***

_He felt movement next to him and groggily opened his eyes to see San sitting up and going to the bathroom wearing nothing at all. He stayed laid on his belly and nuzzled his face on the pillow that smelled just like him. It was his bed after all._

_The blond almost fell asleep again when he felt San nudging on his thighs._

_“Mhm, Sannie?” He turned to see at what was the other boy doing._

_“Go back to sleep babe. I’m just cleaning you up.” he said quietly wiping him with a wet cloth and then threw it on the floor and lied again next to him. Wooyoung turned on his side and stared at the handsome boy. He had his eyes closed with a blissful smile and his black and red locks falling on his forehead. The older rolled his head and looked back at him. His cat like eyes had a mischievous look that send shivers up and down Wooyoung’s spine. A weird feeling waking up in his guts._

_“Don’t look at me like that baby. We already did it twice…” He leaned closer and gave him a long lazy kiss._

_“And? Don’t tell me you’re tired Mr. Choi?” he smirked and leaned in again slipping his tongue easily into his mouth. “I can… help you if you want.” He murmured in his mouth and then climbed on his lap. He looked in San’s eyes as he took his cock and stoked him to full hardness. _

_“Fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me Woo.” San groaned as he sat up and aligned his hole with his dick. He slowly lowered himself till he was fully sat. San slipped in easily as he was loosened enough form their previous activities. He sat there to adjust and smirked down at the older._

_He rode him hard and fast, his skin burning as he slummed down. San grabbed his hips pressing on the old bruises there and making the blond fasten his pace. Wooyoung always let him mark him like he was his own personal canvas. He himself scratched on San’s chest and let his nails leave red marks to match with the hickeys he had left on the older’s neck. He always wondered why San let him mark him but right now he didn’t care._

_All he could think was the feeling of being full and the pain as he didn’t use any lube. His thighs burned and his breath was getting rugged but he kept going. San understood that Wooyoung wanted to cum like this and didn’t make any move to take control. He only moved his hips a bit to help him find his spot and then let the younger fuck himself on his cock._

_Wooyoung closed his eyes and threw his head back as he was close. He couldn’t control the moans that escaped his lips but when he felt San’s grip tightening like he had some effect on him he smirked and bounced harder._

_“Fuck San! Touch me…” He commanded rather than pleaded and the other complied wrapping his right hand around his neglected dick while the other squeezed his thigh._

_“SAN! Ah, fuck, San there!” he screamed and San finally threw him on his back and fucked hard into him._

_Wooyoung felt his lower belly tightening and wrapped his legs around San’s waist to bring him closer as he came hard._

“_San!_” Wooyoung came hard in his hand at the _memory_ of a weekend he had spent at San’s house during third year. He stayed still till his breathing calmed down before grabbing some tissues to clean up.

“Woo?” he almost fell off the bed when he heard Yeosang knocking at his door. “Can-can we talk?”

“Uh… Su-sure! I’ll be o-out in a minute!” He yelled and hoped that Yeosang would leave to the kitchen so he could go to the bathroom and make himself presentable.

“O-okay. I’ll be in the living room.”

Wooyoung got cleaned up and changed his pants before finding Yeosang sitting on the sofa and watching a random show on the TV. He looked tired, probably cause he was working till now and Wooyoung wanted nothing more than to cuddle with his best friend and watch stupid romantic movies together. _But_ he already knew that this was coming. He had foolishly hoped that Yeosang wouldn’t mention anything about last night. However he knew his friend cared too much to let it slip.

Yeosang turned the TV off when he noticed him standing awkwardly beside the couch. His hair was wet. When did he return _and_ take a shower and Wooyoung didn’t even notice? He gently patted the place next to him and he gulped nervously sitting down.

Should he apologize? Should he start explaining himself? Maybe act ignoran-

“Woo, I am so sorry.” _What?_

Why was Yeosang saying sorry to him when it should be the other way around? “I… I acted out of line an-and you needed me but I made you feel worse. I’m sorry, Woo, please don’t be mad anymore. I know I shouldn’t talk about things I don’t know and don’t understand. But I didn’t mean it. Talk to me? Please?” Yeosang grabbed his hands and squeezed them desperately.

Wooyoung was actually gaping at him trying to figure out what he did to deserve this boy in his life. Was he seriously feeling guilty?

“Yeo… Oh my god, Sangie come here,” He pulled the other in a tight hug, “I’m not mad at you. Why the hell would I be? It’s you who should be mad at me right now cause I’m acting like an ass but you’re putting up with me. What made you think that?”

“You avoided me since yesterday? You left early and… you seemed quite mad…” He pouted at Wooyoung who couldn’t help but coo at the cute boy.

But what should he say now? That he avoided him because he didn’t want to explain what was his outbreak about? Yeosang didn’t seem to want to intrude and ask him.

“Uhm, actually I had to g-go early today and I didn’t wanna wake you up. It’s not because I was mad at you! I was scared more like that you’d be mad at me and didn’t want to see me.”

“Oh, okay then. So are we good?”

“Of course Yeo!” Seriously Wooyoung was lucky to have a friend like Yeosang.

They decided to watch reruns of old kdramas, cuddled together on the old sofa just like they used to do when they were still in school. They were already in the third episode when Yeosang finally asked _the_ question.

“Uh, Wooyoung, do you wanna talk about it?” He said carefully, probably still scared that he would get mad at him.

“Don’t worry about it Sangie. I’m okay. Yesterday was not a good day, I was tired, hungry and…” Should he say anything about San? He surely had mentioned him so there’s no point in hiding, “I remembered something that reminded me of… him.”

“Do you still think about him?” he turned his attention from the TV to look at Wooyoung but the blonde tried to remain impassive. Like he was already over yesterday’s events.

“Sometimes. But not as often as you probably think!” He grinned and pinched Yeosang’s nose, who yelped and backed away. The boy seemed too immersed in what Wooyoung had to say.

“Do you love him?” He still carried on with the questions, huh?

“Yeosang, I’ve told you before. I don’t know if what I’ve felt for him was love or confusion of something else with love. I cared for him. I still probably do. But people change. I changed. He probably did too. Maybe I was in love with the idea of him? Popular, handsome, kind of the bad boy but also caring. He was confused though and so was I… I don’t know what else to tell you to satisfy you.” He tried to sound annoyed and done with that chapter of his life hoping that Yeosang would drop it. “Can we continue watching this please? We already missed half of the next episode.” He smiled at his friend who was sulking next to him.

“Don’t worry Yeo. Everything is fine. Really…. Oh I almost forgot. I’m thinking of dropping by the coffee shop tomorrow during your shift. You know see the guys too. What do you think?” That would get his mind of for a bit.

“Really?! Of course Woo! I’m glad you finally decided to come.” He hugged him and was grinning from ear to ear when he pulled away. His friend was truly too innocent.

They finally settled down again and continued watching the drama that brought too many memories back. When they were young and Wooyoung was still pure and ignorant hoping to have a romance like the ones in TV. Now he knew that nothing was that simple. So convenient and idealistic.

_ “Do you remember one night at the convenience store when you told me you liked romance? One of your dreams was to be kissed in the rain… Will you let me give this to you? As a goodbye gift?”_

He shook his head and hugged a pillow closer to his chest. He gently leaned on Yeosang’s shoulder and focused on the TV, the sound slowly lulling him away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you all for reading this and for your support!!! It really means a lot <33

**8.**

Wooyoung woke up to the sound of his alarm ringing painfully early in the morning. He quickly searched blindly for his phone to shut it. It ended up being on the floor probably cause yesterday he fell asleep while still holding it and dropped it during the night. His eyes watered at the screen’s brightness as he tried to see what time it was.

5 AM.

Oh right. It was Thursday. He groggily got up and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth. He didn’t bother taking a shower as it was still way too early for him to function properly and opted to just wear some sweats and one of his countless hoodies.

When he was done he grabbed a cereal bar from the kitchen and quietly made his way out trying not to wake his roommate up. Tying his shoelaces was a hustle when he was still that sleepy but he managed it without making too much noise.

Thankfully even though it was fall, the weather was still changing from cold to warm daily and today was one of the cloudy yet warm days. Wooyoung ate his bar as he was waiting for the bus along with others who were mostly heading to their jobs. No one was crazy enough to roam the city at this hour without a logical reason.

At first the blonde was wondering if _his_ reason was reasonable enough but he concluded that yes, it was worth it. San was worth every early morning or late evening. And of course even more than that.

His bus arrived soon and he was at his destination in no time as there was no traffic at this hour of the day. He got down and made his way at his usual spot. The coffee place had yet to open but he leaned against its front wall and pulled up his hood and face-mask. He checked his reflection at his phone to make sure that his blonde fringe and mask left only his eyes visible. Then he checked the time.

_Soon._

And of course, shortly after the front door where his eyes where fixed on opened and out came San. Wooyoung smirked at himself and started walking leisurely behind the man. He knew San’s schedule by heart. Excluding any unexpected changes, San would always follow the same routine every week. He himself didn’t really expect San to be a strictly program follower. He used to be a lot more carefree and kinda go with the flow guy back then. That’s why when he had started… checking on him and he noticed a pattern he had found it _weird_. Soon he realized that it wasn’t a random pattern but San’s daily routine.

It was quite simple actually.

On weekdays he would wake up and go jogging around six thirty. Just like today. He would go down his road till a nearby park where he’d stop to stretch. Then he’d return home, probably shower, change and then head to work. He usually left his job around three to three thirty. Sometimes alone sometimes not. After that he’d go grab something to eat or return home. At afternoons depending on the day he’d go to the gym, meet with his friends or they’d go over at his place. He had noticed that he’d usually go with that Mingi guy at some computer gaming place during Tuesdays and that on Fridays he’d go out with Seonghwa for dinner.

In Saturday he was working again but usually ended earlier and then he had seen him going to different places. Probably his friends’ homes. Sometimes he’d go to the city center or he’d take his car to go somewhere else. At Sunday’s he stayed mostly home at mornings and then go out.

Wooyoung had tried to keep up with him at the beginning. But following his and San’s schedule everyday exhausted him. As he got more students and his classes increased he had much less free time. Besides he had run out of excuses to say to Yeosang. So he decided to fix his own program. He’d see San after work on some days, some other he’d go at his work place.

Today was jogging day.

He was walking through some alleys that would lead him directly to the park where San would also end up. It was hard to keep up with the older and he was in no mood to jog along behind him. Plus that would be too dangerous. San might see him. So after a while he figured out a plan. He walked along with San for a while and then he’s go to the park through a shortening.

When he reached the park he was shocked to see San almost right in front of him. Thankfully he didn’t notice him and walked a bit further.

_Fuck I almost screwed up_.

From a closer look though he noticed that San was wearing a black hairband to keep his hair from his eyes. And oh, it made him look _so_ good. Wooyoung sat on a bench and tried to change his thoughts. Getting hard just by San wearing a hairband in public would be too embarrassing. Yet seeing said boy just a few meters away from him, stretching with sweat dripping and muscles flexing didn’t help his situation.

He adjusted his pants and continued checking out the older. His shoulders had gotten broader and he could see that he has been working on his arms too. Oh, he would give everything to be held in those arms again…

Before Wooyoung got a chance to calm down and just take in as much of San as he could the latter got up from his crouching position and walked towards the exit before he started jogging again. Wooyoung was again left behind with a crestfallen expression watching San as he got smaller and smaller in the distance.

_It’s okay, _he told himself,_ he’s probably in a hurry today._ Even those few minutes that he spend with him were worth his early rising.

He was about to leave too when he noticed something white lying on the grass. He walked closer to inspect the foreign object when it hit him. His eyes grew wild as he quickly checked everywhere around him to see any traces of San. When he made sure that he wasn’t there and that no one was paying attention to him he grabbed swiftly the white cloth and held it tightly.

San in his hurry must have probably forgot to take his jacket with him.

Yes of course. When he left he was only wearing a white t-shirt. The white, black striped adidas jacket was indeed _his_.

Leaving right away from the park, he stopped at a secluded alleyway. He probably wouldn’t catch up to San if he stopped for long but who cares. This was much, _much_ better. He couldn’t believe that he got so lucky today.

He hesitantly took out the jacket that he had folded in his own and raised it to his face. He looked at it making sure that this wasn’t one of his mind’s games or those slip’s from reality that he had form time to time.

He wondered for so so long about this. This was the moment to finally know. He closed his eyes, exhaling before lifting the cloth and burying his face in it. He took a big, deep breath trying to take _all_ of it in. All of the scents that made _San._

And dear fucking lord, it made him go _back_. So many memories came crushing to his mind just by one sniff of his scent. It was a mix of laundry detergent, cologne and sweat. And it may sound gross but it made his so happy.

He felt his eyes watering at the memories of them. He crouched down shuting his eyes and holding the jacket close in his arms like it was the most precious thing in his life.

_“F-fuck, San… I’ve mi-missed you so fucking much…”_

***

Wooyoung often got caught between reality and daydreaming. He had finally come to accept it. Yeosang was worried about his mind’s slips from the real world but he wasn’t. Until it became evident that he got often too much into those dreams that he ignored his surroundings.

At first it made him happy. Ecstatic even. It felt like they were together again. Like San was there right in front of him, talking to him about his day, his job, asking him out on dates and kissing and touching him. Just like when they were together. It felt real. But as time went by, and his memories with San became blurred, his imagination took the reins and added more and more to their _world_.

He imagined different scenarios of how they could meet again. Of how their relationship would carry on, different snippets of their life together. He never thought of how his life can be without San in it. Cause simply there’s no life for Wooyoung without San.

He knew it the moment he realized that San wasn’t coming back.

So for now, as he couldn’t have the older to himself he created his own little world till they could be really together. Would that ever happen? That was one of the things that tormented his mind constantly.

What else could he do, right? He didn’t know much about San’s current state. He knew the basic. Anything he could learn by asking around and thankfully by the power of the internet and the social media. That’s how he learned that after San had left from Seoul he moved to Busan to continue his studies. He didn’t drop out as he had told Wooyoung, but decided to finish the major he had chosen already. He had only one semester left anyway.

He was easily accepted to the university there as soon as they saw the prestigious university he was transferring from, even though it was a last minute call. Maybe it had also something to do with his parents. Maybe the boy kept contact with them after all.

And those were things anyone could know, weren’t they? Wooyoung had asked around about San at the Busan university during a short trip there (anonymously of course. Couldn’t risk anything there). Okay _maybe _he went all the way there when he heard rumors at his campus that _Choi San _was there. But he was curious. He had to know if it was true.

Then it wasn’t hard to learn that after graduating he still lived in Busan, being an intern at the company which he was currently working at. The older made Wooyoung’s search a bit difficult as he wasn’t that active on social media but he still managed.

However, those things weren’t enough.

Wooyoung wanted more. Needed more. And after his parents kicked him out he was sure of what he wanted to do next. That’s how he found himself in a foreign city with his best friend, making a fresh start. For both of them.

At least that’s what he told Yeosang. He couldn’t possibly tell him that he wanted to move to Busan to be close to _him_. He couldn’t tell him that even their apartment was chosen because it was the closest they could afford to where San was living and working.

Yeosang would tell him that how the fuck would that be a fresh start? He was supposedly moving away from his old life, his parents, a city he always hated, San... But Yeosang didn’t understand. At least not yet, he wasn’t ready.

He would never know how much Wooyoung needed San in his life. Especially back then when he was _lost_. When his own parents hated him and he didn’t know what to do with his life. Of course he took his advice and decided to follow his dreams. That’s why he decided to be a dance teacher and thankfully that turned out well. Nevertheless the boy needed someone to lean on, to help him get through all these. Sure he had Yeosang but still he wasn’t San.

So, he went as close as he could to him. And if his daydreams helped him escape then so be it. He didn’t care. His memories with the dimpled boy along with his imagination were more than enough.

Yet lately something weird was happening. Surely his mood wasn’t really good and he felt a hole in his chest all the time but nevertheless his fantasies were always warm and full of love and desire. Sometimes when he’d snap out of it and he went from being buried in San’s arms to being cold and alone with no marks to prove that anything was real he’d feel like he fell from the clouds. Like he went from heaven to hell. The bed was always cold. The dates had never happened, he had gone alone to all those places. His skin was unblemished, clear from San’s bites and bruises.

He knew that none of his daydreams were real cause when he truly was with San he’d always feel the pain after. And he liked it because pain meant that it really had happened.

_Wooyoung was holding San’s hand tightly as they were walking around the mall. He was searching for jeans but till now nothing had caught his attention._

_“C’mon. Let’s go to this one.” San pulled him to yet another shop not quitting that easily._

_“I won’t find anything again. Let’s just grab something to eat and then go home,” Wooyoung’s mood had being decreasingly dropping as he didn’t find anything that fits him well. He always had some self esteem problems about his weight and now each time he looked himself in the mirror he got reminded how fat and ugly he really was. His old dance instructor always told him to lose some weight. “Actually you can buy something to eat, I’m not hungry…” _

_“You haven’t even looked around, give it a chance!” San said encouragingly believing it was the stores’ fault and not that Wooyoung didn’t look good in anything._

_He didn’t argue and let San chose some jeans this time for him to try. When he entered the changing rooms and started changing he noticed it._

_“Uhm, Sanie?” he called out hesitantly and the boy immediately opened slightly the curtain peaking in. “It’s too small, could you grab me a size larger?”_

_“What? Did you try it already and it was small?” San squinted his eyes looking at the pants in confusion._

_“Uh… no, not yet, but it won’t fit me for sure.”_

_“That’s nonsense Woo! Just put them on, they’ll fit you.” San smiled sweetly and disappeared again to let him change. Wooyoung’s lips trembled and he almost let a tear drop down his cheek. He put the jeans on anyway not wanting to argue with San or tell him straight to the face that he was too fat to wear skin tight jeans. He bit his lip and got out. Fuck the stupid changing rooms that didn’t have mirrors in them._

_San immediately beamed at him when he saw him and told him to look at the mirror. Shit. Thank god there weren’t many people around. The light blue jeans that he was wearing were like a second skin on his legs making visible all the fat on his thighs._

_“See, it fits perfectly!” San came excitedly behind him and smiled at the blonde. He then looked around and grabbed Wooyoung hips bringing him closer. The latter gasped when his back collided with San’s hard chest and he saw in the reflection the taller leaning to his ear “In fact I am so tempted to eat out that delicious ass of yours right now. And your thighs are sinful baby…”_

_Wooyoung whimpered and weakly pushed the other away, “San-ah, stop…”_

_“I’ll stop but be prepared for tonight angel.” The dark haired man winked at him with a teasing smile on his face and pushed Wooyoung back in the changing rooms to try the other pants as well. Fuck San made Wooyoung feel so hot all over. So wanted despite he himself felt hideous. He knew that if he told the older about his thoughts he’d get mad. _

_They had already talked about it many times and he always disagreed and insisted that Wooyoung was beautiful. In fact Wooyoung had tried many times to go on a diet but San always found a way to make him eat (usually by feeding him or guilt tripping him). San told him to just eat healthy and not skip meals but he knew that that wouldn’t be enough. But San had a perfect body so he couldn’t understand probably anyway._

_***_

_Later in the evening Wooyoung was trying to hold back his giggles, hiding his face behind a pillow. They were cuddling on the sofa supposedly watching a movie when San got apparently bored and slid down from his position on Wooyoung’s chest only to suit himself between his legs. He then lay his head on the younger’s belly and slid his hand under his sweater gently rubbing on his hipbone. Wooyoung ignored him and only tangled his hand in San’s messy black locks. He knew that the boy liked to be petted, just like a little kitten._

_However after a while San raised his head again and pulled up Wooyoung’s sweater making him shiver after the cold air hit his skin. Before he could ask what was he up to, the blonde felt a pair of lips pressing gentle kisses on his tummy. _

_“San-ah, what are you doing?” He whelped when the boy bit softly on a spot and sucked on it to create a bruise._

_“Just loving you,” San smiled at him and continued his ministrations_

_“You’re so cheesy.” He laughed at grabbed a pillow from the floor to muffle his giggles. San had started leaving raspberry kisses all over his tummy making it hard for him to not laugh._

_“San! Stop, please!” he tried to push him away as he was too ticklish._

_“Mm, you’re so squishy Woo. I love it,” he grinned at him and squeezed his hips for emphasis while he still pecked his skin. Wooyoung whimpered but… He pushed San away with more force this time and quickly pulled down his sweater. He sat up and avoided San who was looking at him shocked._

_After a while with neither of them talking San got up and kneeled in front of him. He gently took his hands in his and nudged him to look at him._

_“Wooyoung-ah? Look at me please?” He didn’t want to. He couldn’t look at San’s eyes right now. He was too embarrassed. _

_“Look, Woo. I’m sorry if I did something wrong. I only want to make you feel good. I… I know today was hard for you-”_

_“So you knew?”_

_“Of course Woo. I know you. Did you seriously think I’d believe that you didn’t like the “design” of all those jeans you tried? You own like a hundred almost the same as them.” He chuckled and Wooyoung smiled a bit at that. San could read him like an open book._

_“Sorry…”_

_“Why are you apologizing? Look, I know you can’t see it but trust when I say that you are so so beautiful. And you are certainly not fat. I saw how you looked yourself in the mirror. I know you think you look hideous and I honestly don’t know why. Really I can’t understand why.... We’re literally the same weight! Am I fat too, then?”_

_“No! San you’re taller-”_

_“I’m not that much taller Woo! C’mon now don’t say stupid excuses. Look I don’t want to lecture you. That’s not what I’m here for. I want to make you love yourself.” San kissed his hands and smiled at him. _

_“Thank you Sanie. I’ll… I’ll try, I promise.” Wooyoung leaned down and hugged him tightly. He wished he could do that. And he’d try. If not for himself than at least for his San._

_“You could lose some weight though.”_

_“H-huh?” Wooyoung pulled back immediately. San was smiling but… it felt weird. He had an evil grin plastered on his face and his eyes were pitch black. His skin deadly pale._

_“I said. YOU should lose some weight.” He kept grinning and his eyes seemed so hollow and different as he got up._

_“Bu-but you said-” Wooyoung whimpered and tried to sit as far as he could from the man. That was not San. His San._

_“Don’t be a baby Wooyoung! Do you think I can be seen with someone like you? Everyone at the campus is making fun of you!” San yelled and Wooyoung started crying._

_“What are you talking about? San? What happened to you? What…” He couldn’t hold it anymore. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He kept crying and San laughed. What was happening?_

_And why was San talking about the university? That was in the past…_

_“Huh, your mother was right. You’re a failure!” San screeched and Wooyoung opened his eyes. But now they weren’t in their house anymore. They were in his parents’ living room. And San was nowhere to be found. He raised from the floor where he was now and turned at a sound behind him._

_“M-mother?”_

_“Do you think you have the right to call me that?! You’re not my son!”_

_“Mum, please no, please,” _

_“Shut up you useless whore! Do you think I don’t know what you did! The whole neighborhood saw you with that boy! You’re an embarrassment.”_

_“Mum no! Yeosang’s just my friend-” he felt the slap on his cheek like it was yesterday._

_“You little shit! How dare you lie to your mother?!”_

_“Dad? Dad please-”_

_His father raised his hand to hit him again when-_

Wooyoung got up and run to the bathroom, throwing open the door and emptying his stomach’s contents in the toilet.

He sat back leaning his back against the wall still not believing what he had just dreamed about.

“What the hell was that?”


	9. Chapter 9

**9.**

Wooyoung watched disoriented the kids as they were mostly running around the room rather than dancing. He had given them a free time after teaching them some simple moves. It was easier to distract this class that was consisted of younger ages. His older students weren’t that simple. Of course he didn’t want to neglect his job as a teacher. He was getting paid after all to teach these kids. But right now as much as he wanted to concentrate on the kids that were showing him excited all kind of moves he couldn’t. Not after that horrible dream.

It wasn’t like it was the first time it happened. Lately he felt like he was trapped in an ugly reality that he couldn’t escape. He was a fool thinking that his mind would let him have something beautiful. He knew for a while now that his worst enemy was his own self and no one else. Not his parents, his classmates, his teachers…

Now it was time to destroy his only break away from his fucked up life. It was getting worse and worse as days passed by. And today was the first time that it was that bad. He didn’t care about his parents. He could still feel his dad’s slap on his cheek before he was kicked out. He would often dream of people from school or the university that used to make fun of him. Even foreigners, people made up from his own imagination, insulting him and pointing out every single flaw.

But _his San_… His San would never do that. His San was always nice, kind and gentle. He’d never say these kind of things to Wooyoung. However now he was afraid that since it had started it would only get worse. How could he sleep knowing that the boy he cared for the most would hurt him? His mind would made him do that.

San would never…

His dream was again a mix of memories and imagination. Wooyoung always had some self esteem issues. Well, obviously. He was far from perfect.

His weight was also something that would be on and off his mind occasionally. There were periods of time that he didn’t care. He felt just fine. He’d eat anything without a second thought. But there was also this part of him that hated his body. He would look himself in the mirror and he’d feel disgusted. That’s when he’d start skipping meals and counting calories.

It was like that for years now. And San knew. He knew everything now that Wooyoung thought about it. But he’d never show it. Actually he did but Wooyoung was too stupid to realize. He had accused San so many times of not caring.

He could recall him telling him all the time that he was beautiful, his lips tracing every inch of his body. All those kisses he had left on his tummy and thighs when he didn’t feel pretty. San was showing his love to him and he was too late now to realize that.

“-ung? Mr. Jung? Are you okay?” he raised his eyes to see all his students looking expectantly at him.

“I-I’m fine,” he smiled at them and got up from the floor, “C’mon show me what we learned today!” he said and the kids run happily around him to get in position. They deserved better than what Wooyoung was giving them. All the mean teachers he had before had made him promise himself to never be like them. He learned from their mistakes and he knew what not to do. And a teacher who didn’t care and didn’t encourage you wasn’t what he wanted to be.

Even if his mind was making it hard for him, he wouldn’t let these kids down. At least they didn’t look at him like he was worth nothing.

***

“…fucking idiots. Who do they think they are, huh? Stupid company with their stupid employees. _They_ should be thanking me for working there!”

“C’mon hyung, calm down.” San squeezed the other’s shoulder. Wooyoung knew that he was walking close to them. Way too close. He was really risking getting caught. But he had to listen what they were talking about. Why did _Kim Hongjoong_ come out of the company with San? Did he go there to see him? Were they that intimate with each other? But all he could hear was the shorter man’s voice complaining about everyone and everything.

He walked behind them down a pedestrian road trying to figure out what were they talking about. Was he working there too?

“Calm down? Calm down?! Didn’t you see how they were looking at me? And who the hell did that old hag called a bitch? How dare she?! She was lucky that you came or I would have thrown her straight out of the 20th floor or whatever floor we were! That’s why I never come at the stupid office and work from home.”

“Hyung, who cares about them? You know you are the best in the whole company, they’re just jealous.”

“Oh damn right I am! If _I_ leave they’re doomed!”

San just chuckled and put his arm around the blonde’s shoulders, “Come, let’s grab something to eat till hyung takes care of the mess you made there.”

The sorter huffed, “They deserved it.”

“You know if boss finds out we’re all dead, right?”

“Don’t exaggerate Sanie! Fuck them…I want chicken! Let’s go.” Hongjoong said and dragged San in the restaurant he was pointing at, leaving Wooyoung behind.

So that Hongjoong guy worked together with San but from home? He seemed kinda… feisty. Wooyoung felt a pang of jealousy. San must be happy having good friends, working together at a big corporation and living in a beautiful city close to his hometown. And his friends got to spend so much time with him. Got to talk to him, see him daily, touch him…

***

Wooyoung was on the way home when he decided to drop by the small coffee shop where Yeosang was working. It was almost the end of his shift and they could return home together. Maybe take a walk before that. Wooyoung really needed a distraction.

He opened the door and was startled by the bell that signaled his entrance. He wasn’t familiar with this shop as he rarely came. There were only three customers occupying the tables and no one in line as expected at this hour. It was already dark outside.

“Wooyoung!” He saw Yunho waving at him excitedly behind the counter.

“Hey Yunho. How are you?”

“I’m fine thank you! Can I make you something?”

“Uhm, no thank you. I’ll just wait for Yeo…” Wooyoung had already drunk two coffees when he was with San.

“Of course. Yeosangie is in the back.” Yunho opened a door behind him and said something inaudiable, probably informing Yeosang that he was there. They sat in awkward silence for while as no new customer came to busy Yunho and Wooyoung wasn’t that much of a talker. He had slowly closed in to himself and found it uncomfortable being with others who weren’t Yeosang or his students. Or San.

Yunho was about to say something when Yeosang came wearing his coat and holding his bag ready to go.

“Woo, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be home by now,” Yeosang asked him with a frown on his face.

“I just happened to be in the area and thought I should stop by.” He didn’t want to say anything in front of Yunho. He could talk to his friend later.

“Oh. Okay then I was just about to leave so let’s go. Goodnight Yunho!” Yeosang put on his backpack.

“Wait guys,” Yunho was behind the cupcake display and was holding a small paper box. He put in one last cupcake and then closed the box and put it in a bag. He came around the counter and handed the bag to them. Wooyoung was looking at it confused and thankfully Yeosang took it when he saw that he wasn’t making any movement. “Take these with you.”

“Thank you Yunho!” Yeosang smiled at him and hugged the bag close to him. “Finally you gave me some cupcakes~”

“C’mon Yeo! Ususally there aren’t any left by the end of the day. Otherwise I would give you.” Yunho pouted at him and Wooyoung saw his friend giggling behind his hand.

“I know I’m just teasing you~ Have a goodnight hyung. Say Jongho hello for me! Come on Woo let’s go.” He grabbed Wooyoung’s hand and dragged him out. He barely had time to turn around and wave hastily at Yunho before they were out on the street.

“Hey Yeo, can we take a walk or something? I need some fresh air…”

“Of course Youngie,” Yeosang smiled, “There’s a park nearby. Let’s go there.” Wooyoung nodded and they made their way there.

They were walking for some time. The park was busy with couples strolling and groups of friends laughing loudly and making the older people there give them weird glares. Wooyoung was still feeling a bit down and even though other times he wouldn’t mind the silence between them, now it was killing him. It made him think all of his own problems.

“Yunho is nice.” He commented. He found weird the whole cupcake scene back then. If he didn’t know any better he’d say his friend…

“He is.” Yeosang gave him a brief smile but didn’t say anything else. Wooyoung had to initiate the conversation though.

“Does he have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

“Uh, no? Why? Don’t tell me you got a crush on him?” Yeosang stopped walking and gave him a mischievous grin.

“What? No! I think… I think he likes you.” He said and closed his eyes waiting for Yeosang to punch him or throw a fit. He was always embarrassed about topics like that.

Yeosang almost choked at that. “Wha-why?? Where did you-” Yeosang stumbled with his words.

“Well he always speaks fondly of you. And he gave you the cupcakes… He called you Yeosangie, you know.” He smirked at his friend. He was about to continue when his friend interrupted him.

“Uhm, no. _I _think that he likes _you._”

What the-

“What?”It was time for Wooyoung to stop now and look stunned.

“He always asks about you, asks me to invite you when we go somewhere, says that he really likes you _and_ gave _us_ the cupcakes. Cause you were there. Not that he hasn’t given me any before but only when we’re closing the shop. Now there’s still some hours till closing time.” Yeosang reasoned and looked too serious about it.

“I highly doubt it Yeo. He barely knows me…”

“So? You’re hot, you’re cute. It’s not like he doesn’t know you at all. You’ve hang out with us plenty of times. Actually I had a suspicion but I didn’t wanna tell you anything and make things weird…”

“C’mon Yeo, there’s no way.” He smiled awkwardly and started walking again. Yeosang didn’t though. “Yeo?”

“I-I’m coming.” He quickly came to Wooyoung and they made their way out of the park.

Neither of them talked again. Wooyoung felt awful. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to go for a walk and talk with his best friend and catch up with him. After the coffee shop he felt something. He wanted to ask Yeosang if… if he liked Yunho. In a romantic way. He sensed that his friend felt something for the tall boy but after their talk… If he did _like_ Yunho but he thought that Yunho was interested in him, then his friend would feel horrible. He tried to put himself in his shoes.

If San didn’t love him but Yeosang… Would he be able to stand it? Would he… Would he hate Yeosang? He had been jealous of San’s on and off flings and dates. And it was to the point that he loathed them. But Yeosang was his best friend…

However there was no way Yunho liked Wooyoung like that. He was sure of it. Why would he like someone like him? He wasn’t anything special. Not that ugly but not that pretty too. He had also gained weight so his body wasn’t attractive and not to mention about his personality. Everytime he’d hang out with Yeosang, Yunho and Jongho he hardly talked. Yeosang was insecure and probably couldn’t see that Yunho might like him so he made different scenarios in his mind. Yes that was it.

Just to be safe, Wooyoung decided to avoid Yunho from now on. Maybe that would make Yeosang feel better. Also he somehow had to learn if his friend had any interest in his coworker. Wooyoung couldn’t really trust himself. He tended to imagine a lot anyway so his suspicion might be pointless.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update (finally) T.T I’m so so sorry I hadn’t updated this for so long… Unfortunately I don’t have much time to write this so there won’t be frequent updates (at least till spring break or whatever its called for my university). Thank you everyone for reading this and for your comments <3333. Take care!!!!

**10.**

Wooyoung put some food on his plate and stared at it.

After some thinking he put half of the portion back to the pan and then took his chopsticks and moved to the sofa. He turned on the TV and searched for something to watch. There was a variety show on so he let that playing. He mostly wanted something on to kill the silence of the apartment. Yeosang was out for lunch with Jongho and he had just returned from work.

He ate slowly and thought back to the days when he’d skip meals to save money or just because he would return exhausted after long hours at work, to an empty fridge and a pile of assignments that needed to be done. He snorted at the thought that now he did the same thing but only to lose weight. Despite that he still thought it’d be better if he cooked. Homemade food was healthier and it would help him lose weight quicker than if he’d skip lunch and then ate snacks to be able to go to work without fainting.

_Did San know how to cook?_ Wooyoung always wondered if San was eating healthy or if he was depending on readymade and delivery food. He was worried about him. Wooyoung would take care of him if he needed to. Except if San had someone else to care about him.

After he finished eating and washed the dishes he watched some TV till it was time to head back to the dance studio again. This weekend he wanted to practice a new kpop song that his students had asked to teach them. Thankfully he could memorize fast a new dance routine so he mostly needed to perfect some moves and plan the formation for his class.

***

It was already late when he had finished from the studio, yet the streets were still buzzing with life as it was Saturday. He had texted earlier Yeosang that he’d be late at the studio so he wasn’t worried about that. The real _problem_ was what he had witnessed just now.

He had decided to stop by San’s house and maybe get a glimpse of him before he returned home. He wasn’t planning on coming here tomorrow and he might be too busy the next week in general so he didn’t want to miss a chance to see the older boy.

He knew that it was late and the possibility to see him was close to zero but he was willing to spend some time at the coffee shop (which thankfully wouldn’t close up until late) even for that small chance.

He had ordered some tea to help him relax after the intense dance practice and was gazing out of the window when he saw three figures approaching the small shop. It was dark and he couldn’t really see anything but still his heart started beating faster like it recognized that one of them was his San.

When they crossed the small road and were just about to open the door Wooyoung got a clear view of them and immediately pulled his hoodie up and turned his body completely towards the window. The space was narrow and Wooyoung could easily get caught. He hoped that San wouldn’t see him.

However he was barely holding himself back from turning and getting a better look at the trio. Because he was sure that he saw San along with Seonghwa and a _girl_. _Who was she?_

There were only a few customers so when the newcomers talked he heard them loud and clear. The girl laughed after they ordered and he couldn’t help it anymore. He had to look. Maybe it wasn’t what he thought it was.

He carefully turned holding his hood in place and saw them in front of the counter, San’s back on him, Seonghwa on the side and he had a clear view of the girl’s profile. Now he could clearly take a look at her. She was pretty, a classic beauty with long, straight black hair, pale skin and petite body. She was still smiling at something Seonghwa was saying but he couldn’t hear well.

But then he heard San’s voice and everything stopped. The woman leaned closer to him, laughing and placing her hand on his shoulder. San turned to face her and she smirked whispering something to him and making him smile too.

Wooyoung clutched the paper cup he was holding tighter, his fingers digging in the material. Anger filled his body and he could feel his leg bouncing up and down violently. She was flirting with him. He was sure that that woman was _flirting_ with _his_ San.

“Thanks guys, just whisper at each other like I’m not standing right here.” He heard Seonghwa complaining and saw him taking their order and moving to a stool close to the front counter.

“Seonghwa-ssi, don’t be jealous, I was just telling San a secret.” She giggled and put her hand again on San’s arm while taking a sip from her drink. “Thank you guys for the coffee. I really needed it. I have a bunch of work to finish.” She continued miserably. Wooyoung wanted to throw up at her lame attempt to act cute.

“No problem. But you shouldn’t work so much Sohee. Take some rest.” Seonghwa again. San seemed not to pay too much attention. That was good.

“San-ah, are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” San replied and Wooyoung couldn’t be happier at his short answer and the pout that formed on her face. “Should we head home? It’s quite late and you two should still drive back.” He continued and Seonghwa nodded.

“Wait guys, will you come tomorrow then?”

“Uhm… I don’t know Sohee. We have work on Monday-”

“C’mon San-ah! We never go out as colleagues. You two act as if you’re seventy years old! Just this one time, please?” She pleaded at the two men who seemed hesitant. _Please say no, please, please-_

“Okay then. We can’t really say no, right? Where did you say that club was?” Fuck that Seonghwa guy. Why did he accept. And what club?

“Yes! You should ask Hongjoong oppa to come too! I’ll text you the address…” she said and then she grabbed her things and they started heading out. Wooyoung panicked and quickly got up too, following them outside to hear the name of the club. The girl behind the counter gave him a weird look when he rushed out right after the trio but he couldn’t care less.

“…It’s hasn’t been long since it opened.” Fuck he missed the name of that place.

“Okay then. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night. Thanks for the ride hyung.” San greeted them. Wooyoung noticed that they were standing in front of a black car. Seonghwa would probably take that girl home.

“Goodnight _Sanie_, see you at _Treasure _then!” she said overly excited and then entered they entered the car and left while San walked back to his apartment.

_So Treasure, huh?_

***

Wooyoung returned home furious. He slammed the door and took off his shoes almost running back to his room.

“Hey, everything alright?” Yeosang was watching TV, curled on the sofa when he saw him entering.

“Yeah.” He simply stated standing frozen like a statue behind the sofa. He tried to suppress his anger so that his friend wouldn’t be suspicious.

“Okay… Goodnight.” Yeosang huffed with eyes furrowed and an amused smile on his face.

“’night.” He replied and left right away to his bedroom. He sat on his bed and took out his phone again searching for the new club. He had found something on his way home but the old man next to him on the bus gave him weird looks so he had put his phone away. He took a screenshot of the address and threw his phone back on the mattress as he got up and grabbed his hair.

_Who did that girl think she was to touch San like that? Whe-when he couldn’t do that? _How dare she flirt with him shamelessly like that? San wasn’t for her. He deserved much better. Maybe Wooyoung wasn’t perfect but he knew San like no one did. They understood each other!

“Ugh!” he groaned and rubbed on his temples as he paced up and down his room. He… he had to think clearly. He decided to take a shower and then get to work. He knew her name and she obviously worked with San. It wouldn’t be so hard to find her on the internet right? Well, tomorrow’s practice was cancelled. He had more important things to do now.

“Hey Yeosang?”

“Oh Woo, you’re still up?”

“Yeah… What are you doing tomorrow night?”  
“Nothing… why?” Yeosang gave him a weird look. He too knew that what he was about to ask was way out of character for him.

“Okay. We’re going out.”

“WHAT?!”

***

Wooyoung was lying on his bed staring idly at the ceiling. It was dark and the only source of light was the moon and the streetlights from the small window. He was dead tired but sleep wasn’t coming to him. He had been up all night yesterday and today morning he went to work only to come home and wait for the hours to pass unbearably slow till it was time to go to Treasure.

The adrenaline from the club and the loud bass that was still ringing in his ear made his night even more difficult. Yeosang had fallen asleep as soon as they returned not even bothering to take a shower or at least change from his sweaty clothes. The blonde however took his time in the shower scrubbing his skin as roughly as he could. He was mad. Mad at himself, mad at that damn club, mad at that stupid girl… He thought of San too but no, he wasn’t mad at him.

His eyes rolled back as he was half asleep and half awake. Images from tonight were flashing before him like a movie. Couldn’t it stop just for a while? He desperately needed to rest and forget about all these.

_Yeosang was looking around in awe. Wooyoung knew that just like him he wasn’t used to going out at places like this. Thankfully it wasn’t one of the big busy clubs downtown and they got in without having to wait in a line. Treasure was dark with big lights moving around and flashing from time to time. There was a bar in the back and booths next to the walls._

_Wooyoung was worried. What if San saw him before he did? He scanned the whole place trying to see if he was anywhere for the fourth night since they had settled down at a small booth. Finally he spotted a familiar face. Hongjoong was caring two drinks from the bar to a different booth. His gaze followed him and he spotted them. They were seated at a larger booth in the corner with one big couch. _

_There was Seonghwa, San, that girl, two other guys and three girls that he didn’t recognize. Maybe they were coworkers of theirs. Still _she_ was glued on San’s side, despite everyone else around them._

_Wooyoung tried not to be too much obvious. Besides Yeosang was already suspicious that he suddenly suggested to come here._

_She was dancing slowly getting closer to San. Wooyoung hated it. She was obviously drunk with the way she was hanging off his shoulders and laughing loudly. At some point she turned around grinding on him._

_“I’m going to get a drink.” He murmured to his friend who probably didn’t hear him over the loud music and went to the bar. He sat on a stool and turned to look back in the center where people were dancing._

_They were still there. San looked so good dressed in a total back outfit that Wooyoung wanted to there and push her away from him and take her place. His hands were on her waist and he carefully turned her around and said something to her. She seemed to protest but San gently pushed her back to their booth._

_She seemed like she wanted to hug him but San avoided her. Did he not like her? Or he did but didn’t want to take advantage of her drunken state?_

_Yeosang was drunk. He should have paid more attention to him and not let him drink so much. Currently he was happily dancing a bit further from Wooyoung with a group of people. He seemed to have fun and they seemed harmless. They were probably college students. Wooyoung decided that it wouldn’t hurt going to the bathroom for a while and leave Yeosang alone. He had also had some drinks and really needed to relive himself._

_After he was done he passed by in front of the women’s restroom and heard the name that haunted him for the past 24 hours. He glanced quickly through the open door and indeed it was _her_._

_“God I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have drunk so much…” She wailed as she was washing her hands and looking at her reflection in the mirror._

_“What? Now that you threw up you sobered up?” The other girl snickered. She was one of the girls that were together with them._

_“Uh yeah? Why did you let me embarrass myself like that? I thought you were my friend.”_

_“Seriously, you think that I’d miss a show from drunk Sohee?” She laughed and the other shoved her._

_“Do you think that I destroyed my chances with San? Do you think he hates me?” Fucking hell Wooyoung wanted to march in there and murder that woman. _

_“Sohee, no… Don’t think like that. San’s a nice guy. He won’t judge you for that. Now fix you’re makeup and lets go back.”_

_Wooyoung left. He couldn’t hear them anymore._

_He had to find Yeosang and return home before he did something that he’d regret. He was so close to go to their booth, right in front of San, grab him and take him away. How would he react? He was sure that he’d stop paying attention to that Sohee. Whether it’d be for good or for bad. However as Wooyoung was afraid of the bad side of his supposed actions he tried to suppress his jealousy and anger before he did something he’d regret._

Should he have waited till San had left? Had San taken her home? Did he like her back? Wooyoung couldn’t tell by his actions. Was he about to lose the only light in his life by that woman? What would happen if they got together? Wooyoung wouldn’t stand watching them. He actually wouldn’t stand just thinking that San had a lover that wasn’t him. That he would love someone, he’d kiss them, touch them, care for them.

His eyes filled with tears. Just the idea of San with another hurt him. He felt panic rise to his chest. His breathing getting faster and heart beating like crazy. He got up and tried to quiet down his sobs.

He couldn’t stop imaging the older walking down the street with his hand around Sohee’s waist, looking lovingly at her. He would kiss her like he had kissed him? Would he make love to her? Would he take her out on dates and buy her gifts?

He found himself opening his closet and his eyes fell on the mirror that was attached to the inner side of the door. That’s when it hit him. He stared at himself. His face was barely visible because of the darkness but he could imagine how he looked. Of course San wouldn’t choose him but someone like Sohee. Not only she was much prettier than him, had a good job, was sweet, smart and had a nice body. Sohee had something that he would never have. No matter how much he tried. She was a girl.

San could show her off to everyone without being scared of their reactions. Even to his parents. Not hide her from them and ask her to leave from the back door.

Everything was becoming too much. And it had to stop.

For some reason, maybe it was the alcohol he had consumed, he felt a rush of rivalry. Why should he give up on San now? They had spent so much together that that girl couldn’t even imagine. San may be here now but he used to be in a different place. Mentally and physically. And Wooyoung was the only one who knew that. Because he was the only one he had from his past.

He looked for one last time at the mirror and then rummaged through his wardrobe. He finally found it in the far back where he had placed it. He took out San’s white jacket that he had found in the park and lied back on his bed. He wiped his last tears on his sleeve and finally felt himself calm down. Wooyoung turned on his side and buried his face in the jacket and smiled. San wouldn’t care about his parents’ opinion anymore right? All those times he had sneaked out of San’s house when his parents would return were in the past. There still was a big chance that San hadn’t forgotten about him. Wooyoung couldn’t give up now.

Besides he hadn’t even started yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Kudos and comments are much appreciated<33


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